


A Month To Not Fall In Love

by HolbyCityFan



Category: Holby City
Genre: Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, F/F, alternative universe, berena - Freeform, tough Army Major Wolfe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-19
Updated: 2017-09-06
Packaged: 2018-11-02 13:14:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 26,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10945251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HolbyCityFan/pseuds/HolbyCityFan
Summary: Major Bernie Wolfe is on a break between tours, fighting on the frontline in Afghanistan.What will happen when she starts a whirlwind romance with none other than Serena Campbell, with just a month until she goes back on tour?Now really wouldn’t be the time to fall in love, would it? When the only way it’d end is with two broken hearts, at different ends of the world.Or will Serena be enough to make her stay?





	1. January 1st, 2017

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another AU! I know it’s a little cliché rom-com, but hey-ho, it’s going to be fun!  
> Let me know if you like the idea and want me to continue.  
> Let's goooo...

Berenice Griselda Wolfe is a Major in the RAC (The Royal Armoured Corps), currently on a break between tours of Afghanistan. She takes her work very seriously, it’s her life, protecting other people’s lives. She has a purpose stronger than most, it’s what gets her up in the mornings, the only thing she’s ever known.

When she comes home, she likes to have some fun, because work doesn’t allow that, too many rules and too much to do. It usually ends with her leaving behind someone’s broken heart, as she tells them she’s leaving again, that it was fun while it lasted, but she has a job to do.

She feels guilty, but she moves on because that was always the deal, she always knew she was leaving again, and so did they. She’s started thinking that love isn’t for her, the Army is what she loves, nothing at home has ever been exciting enough to make her stay.

She doesn’t mix business with pleasure, when she’s away she does her job, looks after her troops, and tries her best to return them all home safely to their families. When Bernie comes back, she flirts the hind legs off a donkey, or an extremely attractive, usually brunette, woman.

She doesn’t do love, she does a casual bit of fun between tours, then she gets back to her job. She’s never told anyone she loves them, and she never has, not really, because how could you leave someone you really love behind without so much as a doubt.

 

* * *

 

 

**January 1 st, 2017: Bernie’s birthday**

Her friends from the Army are taking her out for a few drinks to celebrate, she knows how that will end. She’ll drink every one of them under the table and leave with a gorgeous woman on her arm. Hopefully. That’s usually how it goes.

She spots her victim as soon as she walks into the bar. Brunette, tall, curvy, utterly beautiful. She’s with a couple of other people, laughing at their jokes, glass of red balanced carefully in her hand.

 _Most probably straight,_ she thinks, but when has that ever stopped her.

She waits until she’s had a few drinks before joining the woman, who has walked to the bar to get herself another drink. Bernie is confident, knows she can get most women, can charm anyone, even someone who seems straight. The bar man approaches her and asks for her order.

“I’ll have a Whiskey, please” she says first, before letting her eyes fall on the woman at the other end of the bar, yes, definitely her type, “and whatever the beautiful woman over there would like” she points with her head over to the mysterious woman.

The brunette gives her a quizzical look, Bernie just raises an eyebrow and licks her lips slowly. Once she’s paid for the drinks she saunters over, Whiskey in hand, and sits on the stool next to her.

“Cheers” is all she says, lifting her glass and clinking it against the other woman’s, who looks taken aback, confused, but there’s a hint of something else in her eye. She looks intrigued, and that’s enough to spur Bernie on.

“Are you flirting with me?” She laughs, kindly, she’s not mocking her, just shocked by it.

“I couldn’t flirt with you when I don’t even know your name” Bernie answers, taking a sip of her drink.

“Serena” she blurts out before she can stop herself, something about this woman intrigues her. If this was anyone else, Serena would’ve cut them dead already, walked away, but something stops her.

“Well, Serena. I’m Bernie, it’s nice to meet you” she offers her hand and they meet in a handshake, a spark flying between them that doesn’t go unnoticed by either. Bernie gives her a dirty smile that seems to leave Serena blushing.

 _So far, so good_ , she thinks.

“Are you flirting with me now?” She teases, but Bernie doesn’t blush, she knows what she wants, and it seems her charm is starting to work.

“I think I might be” she moves her chair closer slightly, and Serena just sits there, stunned at how bold she is being.

“I wouldn’t, my policeman ex-boyfriend is standing right over there” she points him out and Bernie just scoffs.

 _He’s really nothing special, nothing compared to Serena, anyway,_ she thinks. Though she might be slightly biased, being a lesbian and all.

“It’s a good thing policemen don’t scare me then, it’s child’s play” she smirks, just waiting to give up that one bit of information that makes women fall at her feet.

“I’d hardly call it child’s play” Serena sounds confused, that kind of comment is generally followed by some sort of explanation, one that Bernie is more than happy to give.

“Maybe not, but compared to the Army” she hints, Serena’s mouth drops open slightly.

“You’re in the Army?” She asks, it hadn’t been what she’d been expecting, but somehow it makes sense. The confidence, the group of men sat in the corner staring their way, her physique.

“Major Bernie Wolfe as your service ma’am” she jokes, giving a mock salute. She hears some of the men laughing behind her, egging her on, and Serena notices it too, rolling her eyes.

“What are you doing here, then? Aren’t you supposed to be sweating in some field in the Middle East, laying your life on the line?” She mocks and Bernie just lets out a laugh, humours her, because she _really_ wants to go home with her.

“We do get some leave you know” she laughs. “I’m back home for a month, then on tour again for six, maybe more. Biggest tour yet, most dangerous too” she explains, not sure why she’s telling Serena this. Normally she sticks to talking about being a hero, makes sure everything she says is impressive, not letting on how scared she is. How, every time she leaves she’s terrified she won’t return.

“Well, aren’t you a big macho soldier. I suppose I’m supposed to be impressed” she teases, and Bernie chokes on her drink slightly. Maybe she’s lost her touch, she’s normally got them in the palm of her hand by now. Most women are doomed to the charm of Bernie Wolfe, and she isn’t unaware of that, plays on it even.

“More macho than your policeman” she jibes, a childlike tone to her voice. This isn’t going as smoothly as planned.

“He’s not mine” is all Serena replies, glaring at her now. Bernie thinks she might be slowly pissing this woman off, but she’s got nothing to lose at this point. There’s still room to claw it back.

“You’re single?” Bernie half asks, half states.

“Yes” Serena smirks, “and I suppose you are too” she rolls her eyes, again.

“Well, I’d hardly be sat flirting with you if I had a wife and kids at home, would I?” Which earns a laugh from Serena, her first one yet, and God, it’s beautiful.

 _This is definitely salvageable_ , she thinks.

“And what makes you think I want to be sat here flirting with you?” She raises her eyebrows.

“Well, you haven’t left” Bernie smirks, and the brunette laughs again. She knows she’s won as Serena’s eyes light up. She’s not yet won the war just yet, though, only the battle.

They carry on talking for the best part of an hour, their colleagues and friends forgotten. Bernie learns that Serena’s a surgeon, and it seems she’s kind of a big deal, which just makes her all the more attractive.

She talks about the hospital, how she was CEO but gave it up to focus on what she loves most, actually treating the patients that come through the doors. She talks about her nephew Jason with so much love, eyes glowing with affection as she relays stories about him and his weird ways.

Bernie asks her all the questions she knows women love to be asked. Focuses the attention on her, keeps herself a bit of a mystery, they seem to love that, a mysterious soldier.  She plays every card right, she knows what she’s doing. Hence, why her mouth drops open slightly when Serena thanks her for the drink and returns to her colleagues, without so much as a hug or a number.

_Great, what a waste of time._

Bernie, however, does not have a defeatist attitude when it comes to women, maybe that’s why she’s so successful. She has nothing to lose at this point, she’ll be gone in a month, none of it will matter.

She knows how to get what she wants, so when the boys are teasing her about losing her touch she just tells them that there’s still time. It’s not over yet.

She sees Serena get up and make her way towards the door and takes this as her opportunity to leave too, grabbing her coat and throwing it over her shoulder. She steps out into the cold, her breath turning into a cloud in front of her as soon as she opens the door. It’d been snowing and it was starting to settle on the ground, turning to slush.

Serena has made some progress up the street, so she jogs calmly behind her until she reaches her side. Grabs a cigarette from the packet in her pocket and lights it as her steps fall in time with Serena’s

“How are you getting home?” She asks, and is met with a look of disbelief from the other woman.

 _She’s bold, I’ll give her that_ , Serena thinks.

“I’m walking” she almost laughs, trying to brush off this admirer she seems to have acquired.

“Let me walk you” Bernie offers, stepping closer to Serena so their faces are inches apart.

“What? So you can get me into bed?” She scoffs, stepping back.

 “Is that an offer?” Bernie replies, quick wittedly, but her smirk falters as she realises that might’ve been a little too forward.

_God, she’s got some damn nerve._

“No, it’s not” Serena turns and carries on walking.

Bernie follows her.

“Are you stalking me?” Serena says after about a minute, irritation obvious in her tone.

“I just don’t think you should be walking alone this late” Bernie offers, trying to woo her with her chivalry, but all she gets is another disapproving laugh.

“I’m a grown woman, I’m sure I’ll be ok” she cuts her dead, again.

“You can never be too careful, especially in this weather” she offers, but the brunette just speeds up walking, Bernie trailing behind her.

She slows down, counting through her options. She could kiss her, but that would probably be pretty unwelcomed at this stage and earn her a slap around the face. She decides to get onto her knees, quickly moulding a snowball with her hands, before throwing it, full pelt, at Serena’s back.

“You’ve got to be kidding me” Serena murmurs to herself, before she turns around, a look of disbelief on her face.

“Did you just?” She is almost speechless, but it seems she’s smiling. Bernie takes this as her opportunity to catch up, stands in front of Serena, both cold nosed and smiling.

 _There’s definitely still hope_ , she concludes.

Serena’s eyes dart quickly to the blonde’s lips, and back up to her eyes as they both contemplate what is going to happen. Bernie decides there’s no giving up now, may as well try, she’s come this far.

She closes her eyes and leans forward, expecting Serena’s lips to meet her half way. Instead, she gets a handful of snow smacked right in her face, and opens her eyes to see Serena laughing, a satisfied look on her face.

_That’ll teach her._

“Truce?” Bernie asks and Serena nods, still laughing as the blonde brushes now thawing snow from her face and hair.

“We’re half way now, you may as well carry on walking me. Somehow, I don’t see you giving up” Serena offers, the first glimmer of interest Bernie has got yet. She nods, satisfied.

They walk side by side, arms brushing, faces glowing from the cold, ears going numb. Bernie tells her stories from the Army, of heroics, of danger, of all these things Serena would never experience or fully understand. But, she hangs on every word, loves listening to Bernie’s steady voice.

She’s been nothing but annoyed by Bernie’s persistence all night, but it seems she’s a lot more genuine than she seems. At least she’s making it obvious what she wants, clear from the start that she finds Serena extremely attractive.

They soon make it to Serena’s front door, Bernie stands there, hoping she’s won the right to go inside, but her bubble is burst by the brunette’s next words.

“Don’t even think you’re coming in” she smirks.

_Oh._

“And why not?” Bernie tries her luck.

“Because I’m not having sex with you” she laughs, but doesn’t move away. Her body fighting with what her head is telling her.

“That’s not a very nice thing to say to the birthday girl” Bernie smirks, trying to use it to her advantage, nothing else is working.

“It’s your birthday?” Serena sounds unimpressed. “You think that’s going to make me sleep with you?” She scoffs, rolling her eyes at Bernie for what felt like the hundredth time that night.

“It was worth a try” she winks. Serena steps forward slightly, their faces inches apart and she thinks then how beautiful Bernie is, no matter how hard her exterior is. There’s a softness to her, one she isn’t willing to show, but Serena sees it then, even if only for a second.

“Well, I guess I can’t leave you with nothing on your birthday” she smirks before leaning forward and connecting her lips with the blonde’s. She’s never kissed a woman before, it’s a lot softer, Bernie’s lips moving instantly against hers. Bernie’s hands move to her hips, gripping slightly as her lips kiss Serena’s expertly. As she tries her luck and attempts to slip her tongue into Serena’s mouth, the brunette pulls away, smirking still.

“Goodnight, Bernie” she says before stepping through her door, closing it gently behind her, leaving Bernie stood, stunned at her doorstep.

All she wants is to feel Serena’s lips on hers again, to feel her hips under her fingertips, to feel more of Serena. She knows she hasn’t exactly played it cool tonight but knocking and asking for her number seems a little desperate, even for her. She scribbles it down on a piece of scrap paper she finds in her bag, writes her name under it, before posting it through Serena’s door and walking her way back to the bar.

Serena walks to her kitchen, rolling her eyes, but there’s an unquestionable grin on her face. The taste of Bernie still on her lips, the imprint of her hands on her hips.

She’s a damn good kisser, she’ll give her that.

She gets herself a glass of water and makes her way to the staircase, stopping briefly as she sees a small piece of paper on the doormat. Leaning down to pick it up, she turns it over in her hand and is left rolling her eyes once more.

Bernie’s number.

She doesn’t bin it, simply puts it on her bedside table and leaves it there untouched, next to her phone, as she turns the lights off and gets into bed.

A smile ghosts its way across her face, and no matter how hard she tries, she can’t get rid of it. She knows Bernie is bad news, she doesn’t exactly try and hide it. Serena knows she’s probably just another woman on the Major’s long list, but she could do with a bit of fun, couldn’t she?

She’s tried going for the nice guy, and look where that got her, another breakup. Bernie isn’t like Robbie, she isn’t even like Edward, and not just because she’s a woman.

She is relentless, ridiculous, childish, but she has charm in bucket loads.

She’s adventurous and exciting, and so different to the bureaucracy of the hospital that Serena is so used to. Bernie is the most exciting thing that has happened to her in months.

_How sad is that._

Maybe it’s time for Serena Campbell to have some harmless fun.

Some harmless fun, with Bernie Wolfe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will she call Bernie? (Well, duh, of course she will)


	2. January 4th, 2017

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the kudos and comments! Here's chapter two, gets a bit heated if ya know what I mean, just a heads up.
> 
> (Also, all thoughts are in bold, I've tried to make it clear who's are who's).

Bernie wakes up to a throbbing in her head and the memory of coming across as a little desperate to a very attractive lady last night.

**_Great._ **

She does, however, also remember said lady kissing her, pushing her slightly up against a wall and making her head go dizzy as their lips met.

So, she can't have failed that miserably, but it seems that the ever smooth Major slightly lost her cool. Serena wasn't falling into her trap that so many women before had.

 ** _A challenge, I like a challenge,_** she thinks.

Then, she remembers that Serena has her number and Bernie doesn't have hers. She has very little faith that Serena will call her, really doubts she will, but unusually finds it difficult to accept. Spends her day thinking of ways to see her again, ways she could "accidentally" bump into her.

Give it two days and Bernie has come to the conclusion that Serena won't be calling, accepts it, but can't help the curiosity in the back of her mind about this woman she barely knows.

A few miles away, Serena has decided that yes, she thinks she'd rather like to see Bernie again. Could tell from the moment the blonde bought her a drink the kind of intentions she had. She could tell from the look in her eyes and the smirk plastered on her lips that Bernie wanted one thing from her.

Later, she understood why, because she's never here long, the army is always more important. Serena could do with some fun, no feelings and no complications, and God, she has no doubt Bernie would be an incredible fuck.

After two days she's decided she's left it long enough for her text to not seem desperate, well, as desperate as she is. Then she struggles for a couple of hours on what she should write, she hardly knows the woman, what do you say to someone you've met once, but have thought about far too much since.

She eventually presses send on a simple message that says _"Hello Bernie. It's Serena, from Albie's_ " debates for a long time on whether to put a kiss, decides against it, then cringes at how harsh the message seems after it's sent.

Bernie's shocked when she receives the message, she doesn't know what to make of it.

Not exactly a conversation starter, but she's worked with less. She types out a reply:

_"Hi Serena, I suppose I must be as good a kisser as they say if I've managed to win you over."_

Decides not to put a winky face, the aimisnt to sound like a sex starved 16 year old boy, after all.

Serena's cheeks burn as she reads the message. It wasn't just the alcohol giving Bernie that confidence then, her text screams flirtation. Serena can't help but take the bait.

" _Something like that...thank you for walking me home."_

_"You're welcome, wouldn't mind doing it again sometime. You could even let me get further than the front door this time."_

Serena's mouth gapes slightly at her boldness, her unwillingness to soften any blows. I suppose it comes with the territory, the army probably teaches you that life is too short to not be straight up about what you want. Bernie is certainly straight up about what she wants.

 _"I don't know about that. Wouldn't say no to another drink though"_ Serena feels brave as she sends it. The first bit of proper interest she's shown. An offer, some potential for Bernie to finally get what she's been chasing after.

_"When would your busy schedule allow, doctor?"_

_"Tomorrow too soon? (And I'm a surgeon)"_ Serena smirks as she sends it, but know it won't do anything to dampen Bernie's spirits.

_"Tomorrow's great, surgeon."_

* * *

 

**Wednesday, January 4th, 2017:**

 

Serena finds she can think of little else the next day at work. They've arranged to meet at 8 at Albie's, but have texted little else. Serena doesn't want to come across too keen, or like she wants anything more than Bernie does. They both play it cool. Only text the necessary information and leave it at that.

Serena chokes slightly on her coffee when her colleagues suggest a drink at Albie's after shift. She politely says that she has plans to meet a friend there anyway. She hopes they'll decide against it when they finish that evening.

Her shift finishes earlier than theirs so she makes her way home to freshen up. Puts a lot of effort into what clothes to wear, and even more into what underwear. Scolds herself for being so easy, tells herself to make Bernie wait for it.

As she changes she thinks about her sudden change of heart, her willingness to be swept into the dangerous whirlpool that is Bernie Wolfe. She knows she's bad news, but she just can't seem to help herself.

Being attracted to a woman had shocked her, for all but a day, and then she'd accepted it. She's never been one to deny herself something she clearly wants, Bernie being a woman hasn't really crossed her mind as a big deal. She's more excited than scared by it, if she's honest.

Serena turns up at Albie's ten minutes early, her colleagues wouldn't be arriving until later after their shift, so at least she has an hour or so with Bernie before they turn up to tease her.

Bernie turns up at 8pm on the dot, it doesn't really surprise her, given her military background. She sees Serena perched at the bar immediately, strides over, every step screaming army major.

She gives Serena a brief hug, pulls their bodies close and whispers a hello into her ear, sending a shiver down the surgeons spine.

"I got you a whiskey, I seem to remember that's what you were drinking the other night" Bernie nods, smiling in appreciation.

"Yes, rather a lot of it if I remember correctly. Not sure if I can stomach it now" she winks, taking a sip, the cold liquor cooling her veins into relaxation as she sits back in her chair.

They talk for hours, flirting so naturally. As her colleagues walk in and clock her with Bernie, obviously recognising her as the mysterious woman from a few nights ago, it earns her a few eyebrow raises and winks, but nothing too embarrassing. She relaxes then, knowing they respect her enough to leave her to enjoy her evening.

They move over to a quiet corner after a while, a few drinks in. Bernie's hand has somehow made its way to rest rather high on Serena's thigh and she feels her breath catch when it creeps up gently.

Bernie talks about the army a little more, doesn't let on too much, hates showing any sort of weakness, any sign that what she's seen might have affected her in some way.

"Have you ever...you know?" Serena realises how trivial and ridiculous her question seems as soon as she's said it, well tried to. Bernie raises her eyebrows slightly.

"I presume by that you mean, have I ever killed anyone" she's been asked it a thousand times, is shocked to hear it come out of Serena's mouth, so is Serena it seems.

"Well, yes, but now I realise how utterly insensitive that sounds" she tries to recover herself, can see she's caught Bernie off guard. It was never her intention to make her uncomfortable, curiosity just seemed to get the better of her and it slipped out.

"It's ok, I've been asked it enough times" she shrugs.

"Yes" she continues bluntly, and she wonders why she's telling Serena this, why she's showing weakness to a woman she wants nothing more than to rip the clothes off.

"It's not something I'm proud of though, it's not why I'm in the army. It comes with the territory, yes, but it's not something that anyone can just brush off and live with. I've held enough dying men in my arms to hate that I'm the cause of the opposition holding their own" she tries to explain it, can't put into words exactly what she's trying to say.

Serena gently covers Bernie's hand with her own, nods and with that Bernie knows she understands what she's trying to say. Can't possibly understand how the blonde feels, but recognises that and doesn't try and sympathise, or draw parallels. Which is something that Bernie finds refreshing, so many people try and tell her that they understand, when in reality, nobody does.

Serena sees a weakness in her there, just for a moment, a side of Bernie she doubts many see. Doubts she'll see again soon, or ever.

As soon as it's happened, Bernie's guard is up again and she's back to flirting her way through the conversation. It doesn't go unnoticed by Serena though, or Bernie, she wonders why she felt the need to give any of that information away, tells herself to keep her mind on the task at hand.

Seducing Serena Campbell.

Her hand strays precariously back up Serena's thigh and she's close enough that her breath tickles the brunette's ear when she speaks.

Serena's heart is racing, along with her mind. Bernie could be reciting her shopping list right now and it'd still be turning Serena on. She isn't. She's talking about the hospital, asking Serena questions about it, finding her struggle to answer very amusing.

Serena can feel her colleagues eyes burning into her, obviously too amused at the sight of the infamous Serena Campbell in an obvious fluster.

When she eventually builds up the courage to turn her face so she's now facing Bernie's, mere inches between them, she sees the want in her eyes. Realises that Bernie knows exactly what she's doing, is just sitting there, smirking.

Bernie sees her own need reflected in Serena's eyes too. Eyes darting down to lips, Bernie's sentence drying up half way through as they both forget what it was she was saying and become aware of how close they are. How little it'd take to close the gap.

"I'm just, uh...I'm just going to go to the toilet" Serena manages to squeak out before parting their gaze and almost running towards the bathroom.

Bernie is left smirking to herself, downing her Whiskey and leaning back to wait.

It's been five minutes and Serena is still trying to get her breath back in the deserted bathroom. She splashes water on her face and reapplies her lipstick, trying desperately to calm herself down.

Bernie is relentless.

She's snapped out of her panic by no other than Bernie herself, barging through the doors.

The next thing Serena knows she's being dragged by the hand towards a toilet cubicle at the back of the bathroom. The door is shut behind her and she's slammed against it before her mind can register what's happening.

"Hope you weren't planning on escaping out the window" is all Bernie says, a smirk in her voice that says she's won.

Her lips attach themselves to Serena's, shock evident on her face, but a moan leaves her mouth almost instantly. This earns more smirking from Bernie, the brunette can feel it against her lips.

Serena suddenly starts panic, she doesn't do this.

She'd always been very sensible, had sex in places made for sex, a bed, maybe even a sofa if she was feeling adventurous. A bathroom stall at Albie's is more than slightly out of her comfort zone. The throbbing between her legs stops her from ending it, however.

She can't wait.

Romance isn't really Bernie's thing, especially in a situation where it has no place. She isn't trying to be romantic, she's trying to get what she's wanted since the moment she set her eyes on Serena.

Soon enough, Bernie's lips are on her neck, kissing, then biting and sucking. No doubt leaving marks, and Serena thinks that Bernie probably wouldn't care less or have any regard for the fact a renound surgeon can't just walk around a hospital with hickeys all over her neck.

Serena feels herself being lifted up until she's pushed hard against the door, her leg wrapped around Bernie. She stronger than most the men Serena has slept with.

Soon, her shirt has been ripped open, her bra pulled aside, and Bernie's mouth is teasing her nipples. This earns a few moans from Serena, as Bernie sucks and bites.

Bernie doesn't really seem to do gentle, she laughs at the phrase 'making love,' thinks it's ridiculous.

Before she knows it, Bernie's hand is undoing Serena's trousers and she shows no hesitation as her fingers find the brunette's wet centre.

Serena finds out, as Bernie plunges two fingers inside her, that she doesn't do teasing, either.

Before long, Serena is crying out, until Bernie presses closer, holds her up with her body and clamps her other hand around her mouth as her thumb moves to rub over her clit.

Bernie is unrelentingly fast and hard, and shows no signs of letting up. It's doesn't take long until Serena is clenching around her fingers, screaming into Bernie's hand as she reaches her orgasm.

As Serena flops against her, still pinned to the wall, she thinks how she'd expected Bernie to be cold in these moments.

She's surprised as Bernie holds her up, rides her through her orgasm and holds her until she's got enough energy to stand on her feet. Kisses her neck softly as she pants and tries to get her breath back. She helps her with doing up the buttons of her shirt, and her trousers.

It's in that moment that it hits Serena how many times Bernie must've done this, probably in this exact bathroom stall. What's she getting herself into?

It's then that she tenses, refuses to look Bernie in the eyes. She snatches her shirt away and finishes doing up the buttons herself.

"I've got to go" she mumbles out the cliche before turning and leaving, almost running out of the bar, hailing a taxi as soon as she can.

Bernie doesn't follow her, knows better than to do that. If she's honest, she's not surprised. She could tell that Serena was comfortable with the idea, but wasn't shocked that she freaked out at the reality.

As soon as she's home Serena is pacing her halls, mind going wild. The thought of getting hurt took a hold of her, her mind telling her to run.

She knows Bernie's bad news, but it's no time like she's ever pretended not to be. Serena's never done this before, a casual fuck in a toilet isn't really her style. The whole situation is alien, Bernie is from a different world to her.

She's different, adventurous and so exciting. But, Serena can't help but be scared.

**_She just gave you the orgasm of your life and you repay her by fleeing as soon as it's over._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can we please appreciate that my notes for starting this chapter were:
> 
> Sexy texty. They sex in the toilet. Very impersonal. Very good. Serena legs it.


	3. January 6th, 2017

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the purposes of this story, nothing ever happened romantically with Alex and Bernie, they’ve always just been best friends in the Army, being two of the few women. 
> 
> This chapter ended up being just over 4K words, oops! Hope you guys don’t mind, I tried to split it but just couldn’t think where.
> 
> “Also, I know nothing about medicine so all the medical shit is total bollocks. Just pretend it’s factually correct, yeah?)

**Friday, January 6th, 2017:**

After a pleasant day off where Serena enjoyed doing very little, the next starts off in a no more than ideal manner. She's looking in the mirror, her reflection scowling back at her, tired eyes hidden under her frown. The previous day was spent mostly doing household chores, trying to get her head around what the night before had held. It’s something she’s always done, getting her house in order when she’s worrying about something. It gives her something to do to keep her busy, but it doesn’t take too much mental energy, so she can contemplate her dilemma as she does it. And, she’s left with a spotless house afterwards.

So, the realisation she gets as she stands in front of the mirror that her neck is completely covered in love bites is a shock to the system. She’d obviously been too distracted yesterday to notice it, but they were definitely there. Her eyes widen as she fumbles with pulling her t-shirt down to check how many more there are.

"Oh, for fuck sake." She mutters to herself, aware that this'll rouse more than a little suspicion and teasing at work. Especially after they saw her in the pub with Bernie the other night, before disappearing rather suddenly. She may as well just wear a badge that says “I shagged Bernie Wolfe in Albie’s toilets,” because it’s that bloody obvious.

She spends the next hours trying and failing monumentally at covering them up. Two on the left side and one on the right, too high up to be covered by the collar of any of her shirts. She feels like a stupid teenager, who just lost their virginity behind a bike shed.

She’s far too old for this. She'd also considers herself far too old for mind blowing sex in a public toilet, a room away from her colleagues, but that hadn't stopped her.

Concealer, foundation and powder all applied carefully to her neck, and still the dark purple marks are as noticeable as when she first woke up. Wiping the makeup off her neck she realises she’s going to need another plan of action.

Bernie hasn't texted at all. Serena can’t say she blames her, **_if someone ran out on me after I’d fucked them I doubt I would either._**

Serena’s decision to be calm and embrace the whole sex with no strings thing hadn’t gone to plan, as such. And, she chose the worst possible moment to have a crisis, she could’ve at least done it before. She’s accepted she probably won’t be hearing from Bernie again, and although it’s her stupid fault, she can’t help but feel a little disappointed by it.

 

She walks sheepishly into work a few hours later, a scarf wrapped tightly around her neck. Considering she’s never turned up to work in a scarf before, not even once, she gets a few questioning looks from staff. The scarf is the kind that can be worn inside, not woollen, it’s a light fabric, but still a bit odd for a consultant to be wearing around the ward.

She starts her ward rounds, discharging as many patients as possible. The increasingly scratchy scarf still wrapped around her neck, causing sweat to bead on her forehead.

**_Damn you, Bernie Wolfe._ **

She makes her way over to the nurse's desk to look through some scans for one of the patients from an RTC in bed 4, Ms Dawson. Once she’s assessed them thoroughly she raises her eyes to see Fletch's eyebrows raised so high, they almost meet his hairline. She knows that look, that’s a look that says, ‘something completely inconvenient and not remotely funny is about to happen, but I’m going to enjoy it anyway’ and she winces as she sees him open his mouth to speak.

"Looks like you have a visitor, Ms Campbell" he smirks as Serena spins on her heel to come face to face with none other than Bernie, the woman she’s been trying to get out of her head since Wednesday night.

"Oh, great. Just what I need" she mutters under her breath as the blonde approaches her, a similar look of surprise on her face. Fletch had been there the night of Bernie’s birthday, and had been teasing her ever since, and she knew this would only add fuel to the already extremely fucking irritating fire.

"You really are stalking me, aren't you?" She whispers in annoyance, taking her to the side to make sure nobody hears. Bernie just puts her hands in the air, a look of defeat on her face.

 ** _Not so cocky now, are we Major?_** She thinks.

“No, Serena. Just coincidence I can assure you.” She speaks bluntly and Serena is a little taken aback, the woman stood in front of her shows none of the charm of the Major she met.

“Can I just speak to whoever is in charge around here please?” She forces a smile, not looking up from the floor.

“You’re speaking to her, I’m afraid” Serena speaks more softly now. She realises Bernie must need some help if she’s here, and she certainly doesn’t seem her usual self. But, she can’t help the snide remark that comes out of her mouth next, in a low whisper. “But you’d know that if you bothered to listen to a word I say, instead of just trying to get in my pants,” it comes out before she can stop herself, and she can’t help but feel awfully guilty, and foolish. Bernie just manages to cover her shocked expression, decides to just get on with the matter at hand instead of dwelling on the brunette’s words.

"I’m looking for my friend, Alex Dawson. The receptionist down at A&E directed me up here. She’s been in a car accident" Bernie speaks with as much authority as she can, trying not to show her hurt, knows how to make someone feel like an idiot, and Serena does. She was too caught up in their stupid drama to realise that Bernie has a life too, and friends that she cares for, and a softer side that exists, even if Serena’s never seen it.

**_It’s a bit late to be angry, Serena. You were as much a part of it as she was._ **

"Of...of course, s-sorry" she stutters out before leading Bernie over to Alex's bedside in an uncomfortable silence. Once they reach her, Bernie looms over her immediately so she can see her face, her neck not able to move in the neck brace.

"How you feeling, soldier?" She asks, sitting next to the bed and reaching out for Alex's hand, rubbing it gently with her thumb.

"I've got to say, I've felt better Bern" and they both laugh, eyes alight and Serena can't help but feel a spark of jealousy. Not that she thinks there's anything between them, because there isn't. Bernie had mentioned Alex, said they’ve been friends for years. And, why would Serena care, anyway? Bernie can do what she damn well wants.

She’s more jealous of the soft side of Bernie that seems reserved for very few people, people that aren't Serena.

She's taken aback every time she sees a softer side to Bernie. Because, all she's experienced so far is arrogance and passion. And, although she's done nothing to deserve it, Serena wonders what it takes to earn Bernie's loyalty, to be on the receiving end of her rare respect, the love she keeps reserved for very few. Then, she scolds herself for even considering how it’d feel, because she’d never get it, and she shouldn’t want it. That was never the deal, that’s been clear from the start.

"Right Ms Dawson, I'm Ms Campbell your consultant. I've just had a look at your CT scan and everything looks clear so we'll get you out of that precautionary neck brace in no time. What I'm most worried about is your abdominal pain, so I'm going to send for some more tests to try and figure out what could be the cause" she smiles, making sure to never use too many technical terms that patients won't understand, but finds herself thinking of things she can say to impress Bernie. She’s almost too distracted by Bernie to even form sentences that make any sort of sense. Embarrassed and infuriated all at the same time.

"Typical hey, less than a month until I'm due to go back on duty and this happens. You'd think the real danger was out there, wouldn’t you?" Alex smiles weakly and Bernie squeezes her hand tighter.

“Serves you right for driving that bloody car too fast” Bernie scolds, obvious she’s only joking, doing her best to lighten the mood slightly.

“You’re one to talk” Alex laughs back, nudging the blonde lightly with her free arm.

Serena returns Alex’s notes carefully to the holder at the end of her bed and turns to leave for her office. But, she stops when she hears Bernie's voice, **_that perfectly husky voice_** , calling her name. Work isn't the place to be thinking about Bernie saying her name in a similar voice a couple of nights ago, as she pushed her up against that door…but here Serena is, thinking about it.

Bernie is standing in front of her now, a sincere look on her face, the most genuine expression the brunette has seen aimed at her yet. She can’t help but feel that she doesn’t deserve it in the slightest, after the way she spoke to her earlier.

"I'm sorry if I was a little snappy before, I was just a bit worried" the blonde says, and she gives a small smile, really means the apology. She knows better than to get on the wrong side of Serena Campbell. That only works to make Serena feel guiltier, but she still can’t bring herself to apologise, not in front of the whole ward. Stubborn to the end.

"It's fine, Bernie" is all she says, cold as ever, because what else can she say? The last time she saw her, Bernie's lips were on hers, her fingers inside her, her hand clamping her mouth shut as she tried not to scream out.

Then she'd run.

If she's honest, she's slightly embarrassed. How can she try and act like none of it matters, when the last time she saw Bernie she had legged it so fast out of the toilet it nearly gave her whiplash? That was proof enough that Bernie had sent her into a spin, and her treatment of her on the ward today had only confirmed that.

She’s in too deep, before anything has even begun.

She tries her best to avoid the blonde for the rest of the day, Bernie doesn't seem to mind, gives her space. Thinks of giving up, Serena hasn’t exactly been accommodating or polite. She decides she needs to focus her mind on making sure her best friend is ok, not chasing after a woman who obviously wants nothing to do with her.

"You know my consultant, how?" Alex raises her eyebrows at Bernie, seeing her stare at Serena across the ward, had been suspicious since their conversation before. They definitely seem to know each other.

"Oh, I um...I met her on my birthday" she says, distracted as her eyes drift down to Serena's hips, her bum. Not really focusing on what Alex is saying.

"Oh" and then Alex's eyes widen. " _Oh!_ That’s her? She’s the one who ran out of the toilet the other night, after you..." she gives a look that Bernie know means "fucked the living daylights out of her."

Bernie blushes slightly, she'd forgotten she'd told Alex that, now remembers mentioning it in a quick phone call yesterday. “I know what you mean now when you said she’s definitely straight” Alex lightens the mood, knowing it’s best to appeal to Bernie’s humour when she feels uncomfortable, emotions aren’t her forte.

"Yeah..." she looks a little guilty. "Please don't make it obvious you know, she's freaked out enough as it is" and then she realises what she's saying is all a little too sentimental for her. The last thing she wants is Alex on her back about settling down, doesn’t think she can deal with her thinking it might be any more than just lust. Time to change tactics.

"I'm trying to bring her round so she can return the favour, she did get all the fun the other night, after all" she plays up to her reputation, little care for feelings, sees a smirk appear on Alex’s face. That’s the Bernie she knows.

She hears footsteps behind her that stop abruptly and she closes her eyes in a prayer that it isn’t her before she spins around to see Serena, with a less than impressed look on her face. Hearing the tail end of that conversation, obviously aware it was about her.

**_Oh, bollocks._ **

Serena contemplates turning and running to her office, completely humiliated, but she doesn't, won't let Bernie win. Would’ve expected her to have a little more class than that, but it seems not.

"I just came to say that we're still waiting on more test results, but as there’s some bruising coming up on your stomach, we can’t rule out a splenic or abdominal aorta rupture. Are you feeling at all light headed?" She asks and gives a smile, like she would any other patient, trying her best not to let the situation with Bernie affect her treatment.

“A little” Alex replies.

“Any nausea?” Serena asks and she shakes her head. “Ok, I think we can rule out concussion. I’ll chase up those results” and with that she marches towards her office, slamming the door behind her.

Bernie slumps, head in her hands, a miserable sigh escaping her lips.

"Well, she’s never going to return that favour after hearing that, is it?” Alex jokes, and Bernie can’t help but bang her fist on the table, muttering something about needing a fag before storming out of the ward. She can’t help but feel mortified, she wouldn’t normally care. But, she doesn’t want to hurt Serena, or humiliate her, she doesn’t deserve that.

Bernie contemplates her options as she scolds herself for being so arrogant, for playing up to what she thinks she should be. Once she’s got her head in order she decides her only option is to leave it there, Serena deserves more. Bernie can’t be what she deserves, not right now anyway, with less than a month before she leaves again. She starts to feel guilty for leaving Alex when she needs her, and rushes back upstairs.

She returns to the ward to find out that Alex collapsed and has been rushed into theatre, that Serena performs, successfully. Bernie can’t help but smile, thinks that she must be as good as she says she is. She’s seen nothing but respect directed towards Serena from her colleagues all day, and nothing but kindness shown from the surgeon in return. She really is a masterclass in grace.

By the end of the day, Serena comes out of surgery exhausted as she wanders back onto the ward. She goes up to check on Alex, who is awake by now and sitting up, looking more than a little worse for wear. Bernie thanks her, looks at the floor as she says it, Serena just nods and carries on with what she needs to do. Check up on her patient and then return home to a nice glass, or bottle of Shiraz, after the day she’s had.

"I’m afraid your spleen ruptured, but surgery went as well as we could’ve hope, we should be able to transfer you upstairs tomorrow to recover" she smiles and looks confused as two faces gawp at her, shock evident. She's confused, until Bernie pipes up, not able to stop herself.

"Uhh...nice neck, Serena" she smirks in the most infuriating way, whispering and trying to make the brunette realise before the rest of the ward does. Serena's eyes widen as she realises she'd completely forgotten about the state of her neck as she’d changed into her scrubs, the ones she's still wearing now.

Her cheeks go pink and she rushes as quickly as she can to the locker room, feigning scratching her neck to cover the marks on the way.

Once she's changed, scarf wrapped back around her neck, she goes to her office, grabbing her bag and coat, ready for the walk home, that she really doesn't want to face after back to back surgery. Cutting down her carbon footprint isn’t turning out to feel as good as she had expected. As she ties up the shoelaces on her trainers she hears a knock at the door, and braces herself to be called in to perform more surgery.

"Come in" she calls, annoyance evident in her tone, hoping desperately it isn't an emergency that's going to keep her there way into the night.

The door opens, very slowly, obvious hesitation.

**_Ok, not an emergency._ **

"Serena, it's me. I just wondered if you'd like a lift home, one of the nurses said you're walking" she smiles gently, waiting for her head to get bitten off. She can’t help but try one more time, there is something so different about Serena, something she knows she needs more of.

"What makes you think I'd want _you_ to drive me home?" Serena sneers and it's what Bernie had been expecting, so she isn’t too shocked. "So I can, return the favour I suppose, as you so eloquently put it" she continues, eyes glaring.

"I'm sorry about that, honestly. I didn't mean it. Alex was questioning me and I just didn’t want her on my back about you, I was just trying to play it cool. I shouldn't have said anything" she tries to bridge the ever-growing gap between them, without any luck.

"No, you shouldn't!" Serena nearly shouts, slipping her arms into her coat, ready to leave.

"Please let me drive you home, you've had a long day. Then you'll never see me again, I promise" she offers and Serena gives in, eventually. The idea of a warm car ride home rather than the walk is too tempting an offer to refuse. She grabs her bag and follows Bernie out of the hospital.

They get into Bernie's car and start the drive off silently after Serena has typed her address into the blonde’s navigation system, the low hum of the engine the only noise filling the air. Until Serena speaks, says what's been on her mind.

"I’m sorry" she starts and Bernie almost swerves the car in shock. She certainly hadn't expected that. "For leaving I mean, the other night. Not...returning the favour" she looks at her hands and Bernie can't help but feel a sense of guilt.

"No, no Serena! Honestly, you don't need to be sorry. What I said before was totally out of order, and not at all true. When we...when I, the other night. I never expected anything in return" she's trying to explain that she just got carried away talking, was trying to uphold her reputation with women. Is so close to telling Serena that she’s different, but isn’t ready to open that can of worms yet. Not even to herself.

"It's fine" Serena simply says, because it is, Bernie doesn't owe her anything.

"It isn't, Serena. I had fun with you” she smiles, but her eyes stay fixed to the road.

"I had fun too" the brunette replies, a smirk tinging her voice at the memory.

“I like you, and I know I’m leaving soon” she stutters, not knowing how Serena will take the next suggestion, “but, there’s nothing stopping us enjoying it while we can.”

They pull up outside Serena’s house, with that suggestion hanging in the air between them. The surgeon doesn’t speak, seems to be contemplating her next words. Bernie tries again.

“I know you think I’m trouble. But, I’ve been nothing but honest with you from the start. I don’t do commitment, I’m not here long enough for that, but I like you. I’d like to spend more time with you. No strings attached” Bernie hedges, almost letting go of her last bit of hope as she sees Serena let out a sigh. Begins to think she’s pissed her off a little too much this time as the silence stretches on.

“Ok” Serena whispers eventually. Because, she realises she’s too intrigued by Bernie to let her go, even though she knows that it’s dangerous, far too risky. But, what’s to stop her having a bit of fun? And, if the other night is anything to go by, she’d be having a lot of fun.

“Ok?” Bernie says a little too quickly. Serena turns to face her, their eyes meeting for the first time in what feels like forever.

“Ok” she repeats, “no strings attached” and with that she surges forward and connects her lips to Bernie’s. The blonde is responding in an instant, desperate for her touch, desperate to feel more of her.

They kiss, all tongues and hands grabbing onto each other’s clothes. They fumble over the gear stick until Bernie manages to climb over it, and ends up straddling Serena on the passenger seat. Serena moves her lips from Bernie’s mouth to her neck, her collarbone, as far as she can go until her clothes stop her going any further. She bites and sucks, then soothes her skin with kisses, driven by her pure need to give Bernie pleasure, to make the arrogant Major beg her.

Doubts run through her mind a little, her lack of experience making her question whether she’s going to be any good at this. She’s been looking it up, how best to do it, plus she’s practiced enough on herself over the years. And she’s pretty sure Bernie gave her a masterclass the other night.

Bernie fumbles with the buttons to her own shirt, shrugging it off as quickly as she can, followed by her bra. She tosses it and before it’s even hit the back seat, Serena’s mouth is on her chest, teasing her nipples with sharp strokes of her tongue.

She makes quick work of the zip to Bernie’s trousers in the darkness of the car, the only light coming from the street lamps along the quiet road.

“I believe I have a favour to return” she smirks, a hint of annoyance in her voice, not quite letting go of what she’d heard Bernie say earlier. She decides she’ll make Bernie pay by teasing her so much it’ll be torture.

She dips her hand in the blonde’s trousers, palms her over her boxers and can already feel her wetness soaking through.

“S-Serena please” Bernie manages to whimper out, such a contrast to her usual confident way of speaking.

Serena dips her hand inside Bernie’s boxers then, pulling her closer into her lap with the other. She lets her fingers slide through her wet folds, but refuses to apply any pressure, or touch any place that might cause a reaction.

She’s being the ultimate tease, and it’s making her wet to see Bernie whimper and start to sweat, so desperate for more. Bernie tries to grind down on her hand, desperate for some pressure, but Serena simply stops her hand whenever she tries.

“Stop teasing” she pants out, and Serena gives the smallest amount of pressure on her clit, rubbing it gently. “Please, I need more” she begs and Serena applies pressure with her thumb as she lets her fingers come to Bernie’s entrance, hesitates slightly before pushing a finger inside her. Just the one, enough to cause a guttural moan from Bernie as her short nails scrape Serena’s back, but not enough for full satisfaction.

Bernie rides her finger, satisfied for the moment, jagged breaths and moans escaping her mouth and bouncing around the small car. The windows have fogged up and there’s little air left to breathe as they both revel in the closeness they share as their breaths mingle.

Without warning Serena enters her with another finger, knows she’s close as her moans become more desperate, her grip on the brunette’s shoulders almost unbearable. Serena picks up her speed and in no time Bernie’s cries fill the small space, her head thrown back as she comes undone and eventually her muscles relax and she falls forward into Serena’s embrace.

They stay like that for a while, Serena’s fingertips drawing intricate patterns on her back as her breaths even out. As Bernie’s breathing returns to normal, she moves her lips to Serena’s neck and what starts as soft kisses soon turns to bites. Serena pulls away slightly, not wanting to have to cover up more bruises on her neck. She checks the time on the car clock before returning her eyes to Bernie’s, soft but full of mischief.

“I’ve got to go, I’m afraid” she says and Berne’s eyes widen, her face falls and Serena can tell she thinks this is another repeat of Wednesday night. She thinks Serena is running away again.

“I’m not running. Trust me, I would love to stay, but a certain auntie needs to cook her nephew dinner and his schedule is more than a little strict” she smiles apologetically but Bernie just grins at her, and Serena thinks this is the most vulnerable she’s seen her. Almost naked, still in the afterglow of her orgasm, just barely lit by the street lamps. And, she can’t help but think it’s one of the most beautiful sights she’s ever seen.

Bernie leans in and gives her a lingering kiss before clambering off her, doing up her jeans and throwing on an old Army sweatshirt from the backseat of her car, not bothering with a bra for the short ride back to her flat.

“Goodnight Serena” she smiles softly as the brunette gets out of the car, letting in some well needed cool air.

“Goodnight” she says back, a smile on her face as she walks up to the door and lets herself in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> …Aaand, as requested, here are my starter notes for this chapter:
> 
> Serena covering up love bites. Bernie visits Alex at hospital, mega pisses Serena off. Offers to drive her home to say sorry. Awkies turns into steamy car sex.
> 
> (And god knows how, but the rest of it seems to write itself).


	4. January 7th, 2017

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's some Serena/Jason and of course, more smutty goodness lol.

**Saturday, January 7th, 2017:**

_"Fancy a drink at Albie's tonight? I live just around the corner... ~ B"_

The smirk on Serena's lips is undeniable as she contemplated what to reply. Trying desperately to hide her phone from any prying eyes at the nurses station, of which there are plenty.

It was just last night that she had Bernie half-naked and moaning in her lap, on the front seat of her car.

She's not messing around, not even 24 hours and she's wanting more.

_**You must've done ok, Campbell.** _

"I wonder what's put that smile on your face, Ms Campbell" Fletch teases, trying his luck at peeking a look at her phone. He's done nothing but tease her since her first conversation with Bernie, he's got their measure, for sure.

She rolls her eyes and retreats to her office to reply, a childish grin still spread across her face.

She ponders on whether to say she's busy, play it cool. But, what would be the point in that? Bernie wants her. She wants Bernie. There's no space for pretence, this isn't a relationship, after all.

 _"Sounds tempting. Don't finish until 8pm, though. I'll meet you there ~ S_ " she sends off the reply and decides to take her break and go in search of Jason.

As she walks down the endless, identical corridors of Holby, she thinks how she'll approach the subject. Wonders how Jason will take to her being away for a night.

They take their break together and sit with a coffee (and a hot chocolate for Jason) at Pulses.

She's a little apprehensive, doesn't want Jason getting upset at work at the threat of a change to his schedule. He's getting much better, can make his own meals if Serena is called into theatre, small changes no longer send him into a blind panic. But, Serena doesn't want to rock the boat, especially when waters have been so calm as of late.

"You're nervous" he states, looking down at Serena's tapping foot.

"No uh, what makes you think that?" She stops tapping her foot, traps her fidgeting hands between her now crossed legs instead, in an effort to stays still. Jason is just looking at her with a blank expression on his face, trying to figure out what could be wrong, she presumes.

"You're showing more than 5 of the top 10 signs of nervousness" he says simply, as if answering a question on university challenge he's certain is right.

**_Oh, well I suppose that makes sense._ **

"I guess I am, yes. I just wondered if you'd be okay to be alone tonight? I was thinking about staying with a friend" she tries her best to make her words simple so he'll understand, but also desperate for him not to understand exactly. 

"Who? You don't have any friends" it takes Serena a few seconds to stop choking on her coffee.

**_Charming as ever, Jason._ **

"I do" she protests, racking her brains for a list of said friends.

"Work colleagues don't count" he says before she tries to argue, blowing at his hot chocolate to cool it down.

"Why not? They're still my friends," she argues, aggravated by his sudden evaluation of her life, but decides to push that aside and plough on.

"Anyway, that's besides the point. It's a new friend, you haven't met her. Would you mind if I stayed away and you were at home alone tonight?" She asks, sticking to the task at hand.

He considers it for a while, which she is used to. He does this when he has what he deems as an important decision to make.

More seconds pass and Serena thinks she can almost hear the cogs turning in his brain.

"No. I don't mind, Auntie Serena" he smiles, seems happy with his decision. "Can I invite Alan over?" He asks.

"Yes, of course. Just make sure you get some sleep!" She says, going into mother mode, not happy with the idea of him turning up to work exhausted.

"I make sure I get at least 8 hours of sleep every night, Auntie Serena" he smiles.

The rest of her shift drags, no exciting cases and no unscheduled surgeries. She's left to catch up on paperwork, not nearly a good enough distraction to stop her mind wandering to Bernie. To seeing her tonight, to going home with her. A repeat of last night, but in her bed.

More space. Less clothes.

 _ **Mind on the task,**_ she reminds herself as she turns over another page of notes, her eyes refusing to take in any of the words on the page.

As the end of her shift approaches, she is called into an emergency surgery that'd probably go on for a couple of hours. She can't help but feel disappointed as she texts Bernie to tell her, says she'll text her when she's out and then they can meet. 

The operation goes well and she knows she's done everything in her power to give the guy the best chance, but when she comes out she's exhausted. Thinks that if she were sensible she'd cancel on Bernie, but she's too worked up to deny herself.

As she walks on to the ward she's met with another unwelcome smirk from Fletch, one that tells her he's about to make her day even more exhausting. The thought of seeing Bernie the only thing pulling her through.

"There's someone waiting for you in your office" he pipes up, as she follows his eye line towards her office. She sees the mop of blonde waves through the open blinds and rolls her eyes, this'll do nothing for the constant teasing.

"She's very charming, I can see why you like her so much" he smirks, that infuriating look in his eye.

**_He's obviously talked to her then. He's not wrong, I mean, she is very charming._ **

She can't help but feel excitement bubble up in her stomach though, at seeing Bernie. Anticipation for the night ahead filling her. She smiles sarcastically, before slamming down a large pile of patient notes in front of Fletch.

**_That'll teach him._ **

"Goodnight, nurse Fletcher" she raises an eyebrow and makes her way towards her office, opening it and setting her eyes on Bernie.

She's made herself comfortable in Serena's chair, adjusting the height and handling things on the desk. Pictures, ornaments, stationery, files. When Serena enters, Bernie leans back, arms behind her head and looks up at her from under her fringe. It's taking everything Serena has not to take her right there on the desk.

**_God, if she knew what she's doing to me._ **

She makes a show of closing the door and the blinds to make sure no prying eyes, in particular Fletch's, are on them.

"Looking rather comfortable. Are you here to tell me you're replacing me as head of AAU?" She teases, no anger in her tone. Bernie laughs sweetly, as she stands and saunters her way over, her hands finding their way around Serena's waist instantly.

"I think I'm more CEO material" she winks, which does nothing to keep Serena's growing urges at bay.

"Well, your ego is big enough, for sure" she retaliates, her arms finding their way to wrap around Bernie's neck. Their eyes drop to each other's lips immediately, leaning in so close their breathing mingles.

"Any reason why you're stalking me again? I think it's a bit late in the game for that now" Serena let's her fingers lock at the back of Bernie's neck as she speaks.

"Seeing as you practically stood me up, I thought I'd just come and find you. That nurse, Fletch, told me I should wait for you in here" she says.

 _ **I bet he did**_ , Serena thinks.

She's about to voice it, but then Bernie drops her lips to her neck and starts teasing, breathing hot air around her ear, kissing all too slowly down her neck as she speaks.

"I also thought...because it's so late now" she kisses her neck with a little more force this time, which earns a gasp from Serena, "we could skip the drink altogether and just head back to mine" and with that Bernie is being shoved up against a filing cabinet with a loud clunk, as their lips press together with such force they barely know what to do with themselves.

Bernie lets her tongue lick along Serena's bottom lip before diving into her open mouth. Serena moans into her mouth, lets her tongue taste the coffee and cigarettes on Bernie's as their hands wander and their lips crash harder and harder against each other.

Eventually, they pull apart, all too aware that a knock on the door could interrupt them at any moment. But, both desperate for more.

Serena gathers her things into her bag and puts it over her shoulder, letting Bernie lead the way out of the ward. She decides against looking over her shoulder, knowing Fletch's beady eyes will probably be following her every move.

It's a quick walk back to Bernie's, they flirt and touch and speed up with every step. Bernie doesn't ask how her day has been, and Serena doesn't enquire about Bernie's. That'd seem too much like a relationship, they both seem to silently agree. If this is going to last, and leave them with as little hurt as possible, damage control is needed.

Serena knows that "no strings attached" is polite code for sex without any feelings, and she doesn't know how she feels about being at Bernie's beck and call. But, that's not exactly how it is.

Bernie is so different, so alien to everything Serena has experienced. She's impulsive and God, is she passionate.

Serena hasn't felt anything quite like the thrill she feels when they're together since she can remember.

Bernie is stubborn and arrogant, and everything Serena would never go for. She wouldn't want her even if she could have her, she convinces herself. This is physical, lust. An understanding of each other's needs.

Almost as soon as they crash through the door clothes are hitting the floor, moans filling the air. They're both left panting in their underwear and Bernie wastes no time in pinning Serena to the wall, lifting her up so her legs are wrapped around her waist.

That's where Serena's first orgasm happens, at the mercy of Bernie's fingers, rough but caring. Coaxing an orgasm so great from Serena her whole body shakes.

The second happens at the mercy of her tongue, legs spread on Bernie's sofa. Grabbing fists full of hair and moaning until her back is arching and the pull on Bernie's hair becomes unbearable.

They manage to make it to Bernie's bedroom then, and it's Serena's turn now. Pinning her naked body to the bed, she finds her head between her legs. She hesitates slightly, at a bit of a loss at what to do.

She's read up, a lot. In theory, she should be completely prepared. But, even she knows, that in practice everybody's preference is different and she has no idea what Bernie wants or likes. This time, preparation isn't the answer. Practice, however, is and Serena hopes she'll be getting plenty in the coming weeks.

"Bernie" she husks from between her legs and Bernie's eyes snap down to meet Serena's, an impatient look on her face.

"Serena" she replies in the same tone.

"I uh...well, I've never done this before. So, it'd be helpful if you could guide me through, tell me what's good and what's not so" Serena says shyly, losing eye contact briefly and looking anywhere but at Bernie. Which is difficult when the view of most other things is obstructed by the long slender legs each side of her head.

"Of course...I'm sure you're a quick learner" she winks and with that Serena decides to waste no time, before she talks herself into a frenzy.

Head diving between spread legs, she's surprised by the response. Bernie seems to be enjoying it, Serena rather is too, if she's honest.

With a few moans of "faster" and the odd direction of Serena's head with the hands that pull at her hair, Bernie comes undone with a cry and Serena soon collapses on top of her.

They go on well into the night, moans turning into screams that dissolve into heavy breathing. Serena gets a lot of practice in and so does Bernie, not that she needs it, in Serena's opinion.

The night wares on and finally sleep wins over, both laid out flat, heavy breaths turning into steady ones.

* * *

  
Serena slowly wakes to the sound of movement that she presumes is Bernie. She blinks her eyes open to check the time on the bedside radio.

**_6:30am?!_ **

"What are you doing awake?" She grumbles, not yet turning around to look at Bernie.

"Good morning to you too" Bernie jokes, surprisingly chirpy for the amount of sleep she's had. "I've got training" she explains.

"But you're not on duty" Serena's lack of sleep making her unable to make sense of the situation.

"Yes, Serena. But, I'd rather not sit around for a month, putting on weight and forgetting how to use a gun" she laughs. "What did you think I do with my days, sit at Albie's?" She teases, and Serena turns around to swat her arm, wiping the sleep from her eyes.

On turning around she notices what Bernie is wearing and her mouth drops open slightly.

Boots, camouflage trousers, a very tight khaki coloured tshirt. Her hair pulled back into a bun.

"Take a picture, it'll last longer" Bernie winks, snapping Serena out of her daze.

Bernie checks the time discreetly, realises she's running ahead of time and could spare a few extra minutes...or more. She is the Major, after all.

She saunters forward to straddle Serena, who's eyes are bulging in her head.

"Oh, hello Major" she smirks, "don't you have training to be at?" She asks as Bernie kisses her way down her front, hands travelling lower and lower.

"Training can wait" she says as her hand finds just where it's needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My pre-chapter notes were:
> 
> Fletch teasing. Jason/Serena. Get them into a bed!! Sexy Major Wolfe.


	5. January 12th, 2017

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long!! I'm back at uni so my only excuse is that I've been very busy getting drunk...not a very good one I know!  
> Next chapter is nearly written so the wait won't be nearly as long!

The next few nights are spent much the same as the last. Jason's much anticipated trip to Wales with Alan has come around and Serena waves him off with a kiss on the cheek and a nervous smile.

She wastes no time in inviting Bernie over, hints that the house is free for them to use how they please. They spend hours wrapped up in one another, sprawled on Serena's bed, forgetting that anything outside the thin walls exists.

It's intense and passionate, and neither can deny how alive it makes them feel.

Serena's mind is exploding with thoughts, images of Bernie, which is all very thrilling until she's elbow deep in somebody's abdomen wondering what the hell she's meant to be doing. Because, all that's going through her head is images of Bernie coming undone, a perfectly vulnerable look on her face.

They keep their interactions outside of the bedroom minimal. Bernie arrives late and leaves early for training, mumbling that she'll see Serena later as they part breathlessly.

They flirt, every interaction punctuated with a wink or a smirk or a wandering hand. Bernie is teased in the changing room after training about the scratch marks down her back, the purple bruises scattered across her collar bones.

As exciting as it all is, as satisfied as they both feel as the days blur, that isn't what they cherish the most.

Serena spends her days smiling at the memory of laying breathlessly on her sheets, after glow filling them both. Bernie intertwines their fingers, mumbling sleepy questions.

She asks Serena about her childhood, her biggest secret, her first love, everything in between. And, although she's taken aback at first, Serena answers, opens up as they laugh at each other's anecdotes. Nothing that'll make them too vulnerable, but more than is necessary.

At some point they fall asleep, smiles spread across their faces. And, in the morning it feels as though it was a bizarre dream as they fall back into their emotionless cycle.

Serena thinks to herself that it's worth having no sleep, just to hear Bernie ramble, unguarded, about her life. About the time she ran away from home when she was fourteen, or when her mother walked in on her in bed with a girl a couple of years later.

It's dark and they can't see each other's faces, but Serena can feel Bernie's pulse quicken along with her own as they let bits of themselves slip.

She can't help but think that Bernie's tone of voice sometimes resembles fondness, she can't get enough of the sound of it as it's mumbled against her skin.

In the morning, she corrects herself, questions if any of the words uttered in the pitch black of the night before were ever said. Keeps her hope restricted to the space where the words are uttered, moments after Bernie makes her beg.

**Thursday, January 12th, 2017:**

Serena has the day off, decides she'll wander downstairs and find Bernie some breakfast before she leaves. It's the least she can do, after all, she's probably about to do some ridiculous army assault course (or, whatever 'training' involves) on 3 hours sleep, because of Serena.

Bernie pads through to the kitchen, perching on a chair to tie up her boots. Serena still hasn't quite gotten used to seeing her in her training clothes, wonders if she ever will. Enjoys nothing more than ripping it off every night, and sometimes in the mornings, too.

"I made you breakfast" she offers as she brings her over a plate of scrambled eggs on toast. "Thought it'd help you keep your strength up after last night" she winks and is met with a shy grin and warm eyes peering up at her from under a long fringe. A far cry from the hunger in her eyes the night before.

Bernie thanks her and makes quick work of the food on her plate, as Serena devours her own breakfast.

As Serena washes up their plates she feels arms wrap around her waist from behind, as a kiss is dropped gently to her neck. The spot Bernie knows by now drives her mad. Actions that could be mistaken for affection if Serena didn't know exactly what she's trying to achieve.

Once she's washed their plates, a few sharp breaths and moans later and a lot slower than usual, she turns around to wrap her arms around Bernie's neck. Their lips meet, and soon their tongues are dancing in a rhythm they've become so used to. One that they aren't yet ready to admit, they'll miss terribly.

Bernie's fingertips grip at the thin silk of Serena's robe over her hips, as they kiss fiercely, an unspoken promise of what the night ahead will hold.

They're both too caught up in the movement of their lips and the soft moans escaping their mouths to hear the front door open, or to register the tap of feet along the hallway to the kitchen until it's too late.

"MUM?!" Elinor's shriek fills the room as both women's eyes snap towards the hallway. Serena's daughter stands, wordlessly gaping at them, an unreadable expression on her face.

"I think that's my queue to leave" Bernie almost whispers, grabbing her backpack and excusing herself before all but running from the house. Deciding that a run in with the daughter isn't what she signed up for.

In the meantime, Serena tightens her robe and tries to tame the hair Bernie has spent all night pulling at. Her mind whirs with how to explain what just happened.

Once the front door shuts the air is filled with silence, both women's jaws slack in disbelief.

Much to Serena's surprise, Elinor doesn't lead with a remark about Bernie being a women, obviously decides against mentioning that just yet.

"Why didn't you tell me you're with someone?" She interrogates her, perching on the kitchen counter, reminding Serena of when she was a child, and her legs would swing much higher in the air.

"I'm uh...I'm not with anyone. That was just" for once, she's at a loss for words, doesn't know how to explain herself.

"A one night stand?" Elinor jumps to conclusions, "you had a one night stand?" She's starting to freak out now.

"No, no" Serena is trying to guess ahead, keep Elinor's growing temper at bay. "Look, just give me a second to explain myself Ellie" she snaps, but her daughter just nods. The shock making her need to argue less so.

"We're not together, me and uh, Bernie. She's in the army, she's leaving to go back on tour soon. It's just a casual thing. I didn't realise you were coming home, i'm sorry" she manages to stutter out. Uncertain monosyllables, lacking the authority she usually speaks with.

"It was meant to be a surprise" she laughs, making light of the situation. She laughs a little more, only stops when Serena gives her a questioning look.

"Sorry, I just can't believe my mother's life is more interesting than mine! You have a lesbian fuck buddy" she states and it's all Serena can do not to cringe at the harshness of her words.

"Elinor!" She tries desperately to stop her daughter. "We weren't...you know, just now. I just came down to cook her breakfast" she tries to relieve the tension, even if just her own, because Elinor seems to be taking it suspiciously well. Serena is beyond surprised, she must admit.

"Mum, that's not what friends with benefits do, you know?" She smirks, as if she knows something Serena doesn't.

"What do you mean? She has training all day I just thought she'd better have breakfast before she leaves. Besides, she picked me up from work yesterday so it's the least I can do" Serena tries to explain herself. Elinor's eyes widen slightly.

"Oh God, mum. You like her, don't you?" She puts her head in her hands, over dramatically if you ask her mother.

"No, of course I don't" she tries to play it cool, ignores the niggling voice in the back of her head saying, "yes you do, more than you should."

"You never once made Dad breakfast, and you were married to him!" She's moving her hands around manically, proving her point further with every word.

"Well, I hardly know the etiquette of what i'm meant to do in this situation, do I?" She starts to panic. What if Ellie's right? What if she's crossed a line that shouldn't be crossed? What if Bernie thinks she's trying to make this into something it isn't?

"Well, you don't cook them breakfast for starters" she explains, "Christ, I can't believe I'm giving my mother advice about this" she laughs, loosening the awkward tension in her shoulders slightly.

"Let's just forget any of this ever happened" Serena says, trying her luck at moving on from the current excruciating topic of conversation.

"I'm not going to let you off that easily, Mum" Ellie smirks, well aware of how embarrassed Serena is. "When were you going to tell me you're a lesbian then?" She smirks, knowing this was the one question her mother was desperately trying to avoid.

"Ellie, if we're going to have this conversation at least let me have my morning coffee first" she says as she puts the kettle on and her daughter just sits there, a smug look on her face.

"I thought you'd already had your morning pick me up" she jokes, which is just met by a glare.

Once the coffee is made and they're sat at the table, Serena sighs as she thinks of what to say. Because, honestly she hasn't even thought about it herself.

"I...I'm not a lesbian. It just sort of happened" she stutters.

"Is she?" Ellie asks.

"Oh yes, definitely" Serena tries her best not to smirk too inappropriately.

"Well, I have news for you, mother. Fuck buddies don't cook each other breakfast, or cuddle in the kitchen, or pick each other up from work. That's called a relationship, you're in a relationship" she says, blunt as ever, and Serena isn't quite ready for her harsh truths this early in the day, or ever. Because, she knows it's all true, knows that she's getting in too deep, that her and Bernie are crossing boundaries they shouldn't be in this situation.

"I'm not, we're not. Look, she's leaving in a few weeks, there's no way in hell it could work out between us" she's trying her best to end the conversation, but by the look on Ellie's face, she wants every last detail.

"But you want it to" she states rather than asks.

"No of course I don't. She's...she's infuriating and arrogant...and she's a woman" Serena scrambles desperately for an escape, but realises her arguments are weak.

"That didn't stop you jumping into bed with her" Elinor's knowing smirk is growing by the second and Serena's running out of ways to stop the frankly police style questioning she's receiving.

"Enough, Ellie!" She almost shouts. "It's nothing. Me and Bernie aren't anything and I am perfectly happy with that, thank you" she says and the look on her face warns Elinor off pushing any further.

They spend the rest of the day together, and as much as Elinor tries, Serena avoids talking about Bernie like the plague. Not quite ready to admit anything Elinor has said is true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My pre-chapter notes were:
> 
> Serena makes breakfast. Ellie walks in on them like hell no! Has to teach Serena a thing or two about how to be casual.


	6. January 14th, 2017

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get yourself ready for some EMOtions. Hope you're all still enjoying this!
> 
> Also rip I have no idea how army training works so it's all total bullshit, and vageuly inspired by watching Royal Marines commando school one time lol.

Bernie doesn’t ask Serena what happened with Elinor when they see each other the next evening. She contemplates whether she should, but decides that if Serena wanted to tell her then she would.

 _ **It's really none of your business, after all.**_ She tells herself.

Serena doesn’t mention it either, decides against mentioning that her daughter is completely convinced she’s falling in love with Bernie.

**Saturday, January 14th, 2017:**

Bernie hasn’t heard from Serena all day. She thinks about it as she drags her exhausted, dirt covered legs along the ground, rain pounding on her back.

As she clambers her way breathlessly through a pitch black tunnel and runs until she’s on the verge of throwing up, all she can think about is if she’ll be rewarded for it all by a text from Serena.

She always is, and gets teased for the smile she can’t stop spreading across her face as they sit down for lunch.

"This one can make you smile outside the bedroom too, hey Bern? Sounds like a keeper" one of them jokes, to which she just rolls her eyes.

Today she doesn’t get a text. She grabs her phone to see the screen the same as she left it, blank. She types out a quick text:

_"I’ll be over about 8 if you aren’t busy? ~ B”_

She shrugs it off and gets on with her day. As much as she’d like to deny it, she thinks about Serena a lot. More than most days.

Usually, she's too busy concentrating on the task at hand. It's difficult to think about much else when you're dragging a tyre twice your weight through miles of thick mud.

But, today she manages to. She drops focus, and it doesn't go unnoticed.

"Wolfe, keep up!" Gets shouted her way on multiple occasions. She comes to realise how reliant she is on hearing from Serena, a promise of later that gets her through the day.

By the end of training there’s still no reply from Serena, but she's honestly too exhausted to think too much about it. She does what she does every day, goes back to her flat, has a nap and takes a shower.

At this time, she’d usually be making her way to Serena’s, or to the hospital to pick her up, but still no word.

She'd usually be thankful for some sleep, maybe see a friend, or just do her own thing. But, all she can think is that she'd rather be spending time with Serena than doing anything else. An alien feeling for her, to say the least.

She's always enjoyed her own company, especially after all those months constantly surrounded by other people.

She comes to the conclusion that Serena must be having a busy day, smirks when she thinks she could probably use some stress relief. She decides to make her way to the hospital and wait in her office, if she has had a busy day then she's sure she’ll be thankful for the lift home.

She gives Fletch a smile as she walks onto the ward, and his eyes sparkle at the sight of her. She knows how much he must tease Serena, can tell from the glares she gives him that he must give her a hard time.

“She’s in surgery, shouldn’t be long” he calls across the ward to her as she ducks into Serena’s office to wait.

An hour passes with Bernie answering a few emails on her phone, and some texts from old friends she’d been meaning to see in her time back in England. She thinks that she’d give Serena’s office a tidy, help her out, if it wasn’t already so precisely organised.

Eventually, Serena opens the door to her office, too caught up in her own thoughts to realise Bernie is there until she feels arms around her waist and lips attached to her neck.

Bernie’s smile against her neck falters when she feels Serena stiffen, not melt into the touch like she usually does. She feels two hands push her away, gently, but firm enough to show Bernie this isn’t what she wants. She steps back, and they’re left staring at each other, a questioning look on Bernie’s face. Serena eventually lets out a breath, a sigh, and rubs at her eyes.

“Not today Bernie, sorry” she mutters weakly, and Bernie doesn’t recognise this Serena Campbell at all. This isn’t a side she’s ever seen before.

“What’s wrong?” She asks.

“Difficult day, that’s all” she says quietly, walking over to her desk to pack her things into her bag.

“I can think of a few ways I could take your mind off it” Bernie smirks at her from under her fringe.

“Bernie” Serena warns her as she steps closer. Bernie doesn’t reach out, she was only teasing to try and cheer her up, she'd never push her into anything.

“Please just leave me alone” Serena snaps when Bernie doesn’t move.

“At least let me drive you home?” She replies, hadn’t expected Serena to be quite so harsh.

“I’ve got my own car, thank you” Serena manages a weak smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes. “Goodnight” she says, and with that she’s out the door, leaving Bernie’s confused expression in her wake.

As she drives home, Bernie can’t help but wonder what’d happened, can’t help but worry if Serena is ok. Normally she’d brush it off, she understands that sometimes people just aren’t in the mood. It’s happened in the past, with other women. But, they’d always begged her to stay, asked her to be a shoulder to cry on, and she’d never wanted to be. She’d run a mile sooner than involving her emotions in something so temporary.

Serena hadn’t done that.

Bernie lays restlessly on her sofa, tossing and turning and barely watching whatever programme is on TV. The thought of Serena in her house, alone and upset, unsettles her. She can’t help but think she should be doing something about it, can’t help herself when her feet carry her to the front door, stopping briefly so she can pick up her bag and put a coat on.

Her brain seems to be unable to stop her as she walks up the aisles of her local shop, picking up ice cream, Shiraz, lots of chocolate.

The fear starts to kick in slightly as she walks up to Serena’s door. She’s never felt like this before, this urge to comfort someone, to care for them. She’d never found it difficult to leave emotions at the door until now, with anyone. But, here she is, knocking her knuckles against Serena’s front door, asking for entrance.

After a few minutes, and a few louder knocks later, the door opens and an exhausted looking Serena stares at her, unsurely.

“I thought you could use a friend” Bernie mutters, a hopeful look in her eyes.

“We aren’t friends, Bernie” she says, and it hurts more than it should, in a way she’s never felt before.

“I…I know. I just, I thought you could use cheering up” she stutters out and smiles when Serena rolls her eyes and opens the door.

They walk through to the kitchen and Bernie empties the shopping bag onto the side.

“I didn’t know what kind of ice cream you like, so I went a bit overboard with options” she admits as she empties out over five tubs of different ice cream flavours. “But, hands off the mint choc chip, that’s mine” she smirks and it earns a small laugh from Serena.

Bernie pours them out glasses of wine and lets Serena pick out what ice cream she wants before putting the rest in the freezer.

As Serena settles on the sofa, Bernie runs upstairs and grabs her duvet, bringing it downstairs and snuggling herself under it, Serena the other side doing the same, their toes touching. They both make a start on their ice cream, Serena chose the salted caramel, and Bernie admits she thought she might.

After a while sitting in silence Bernie dares to break the tension with words, something she's never been very good at.

“Want to talk about it?” She asks, cautiously, ready to have her head bitten off. But, Serena doesn’t snap, far from it. Her eyes soften and she lets out a defeated sigh, wondering whether it’s wise to let Bernie see any of this side to her.

“A girl was admitted today, she was about Elinor’s age...she’d been hit by a van. The bastard just drove off" Bernie could sense the anger building up in her voice.

"She was stable and the ward was quiet. We spent some time talking, she…she was at med school, wanted to be a vascular surgeon, too” Serena tried her best to stop the tears that were threatening to fall down her cheeks, a small smile on her lips at the memory.

"She collapsed and we rushed her into theatre. It was a mess, we were in there for hours, I don’t even know how many. But, it was all just too late, we couldn’t have done anything. She bled out” a tear fell down her cheek, and Bernie shuffled closer to wipe it away with the pad of her thumb. “I know it’s strange, I see death every day, but sometimes, when somebody is so young, has so much ahead of them, I just can’t help but get too involved" she admits, as Bernie runs a comforting hand through her hair.

"I...I had to tell her parents their only daughter is dead. Sometimes, when I leave work, I can’t just get on with my life, how can you just forget about that kind of thing” she sighs and buries her head further into Bernie’s neck.

“It just reminds you how fragile life is, doesn’t it? That could’ve been Elinor, or Jason” she stutters before she continues “or you…that could easily be you” she begins to cry more. Bernie is surprised when she doesn’t feel panic at being grouped with the two most important people in Serena’s life, feels a perverse sense of comfort in it. To feel cared about that much.

Bernie just lays there, rubs her hand up and down her back, drops the odd kiss to her forehead. She's never been good at using words to comfort, opts for a more physical show of affection, instead.

“I’m sorry” Serena says, eventually. “I know it’s…futile, to get so effected by it, especially in my line of work” she smiles up at Bernie, smiles so weakly, but so full of appreciation.

“Don’t be silly, never apologise” Bernie smiles.

"I have a rather warped view of death, I think. There’s not much time to process any of it in the field” she admits, stroking strands of hair from Serena’s face. "But I understand, more than anyone, how hard these things can hit" she feels Serena starts to soften and relax in her arms.

"How do you deal with it?" Serena asks, not for advice, but just in genuine interest at how someone can cope with being so surrounded by conflict all the time. "Not just death. The whole thing, just being surrounded by so much destruction" she expands.

"I don't know" she laughs softly, "I guess I'm used to it" is all Bernie mutters and Serena thinks she must not want to talk about it, why would she? She has other people to talk to about that kind of thing, and Serena isn't one of them.

Little does she know that Bernie doesn't, refuses to talk about how she feels about any of it, with anyone. And, most people know better than to ask.

"Do you ever think about not going back? Don't you miss home?" She continues to question, because she is so genuinely interested. It's a topic Bernie doesn't talk about much, not to her, anyway.

"Honestly" Bernie thinks briefly, "the Army is my home, it's the only place I've ever felt like I belong. Coming back to my flat doesn't feel like coming home, going back on tour does. It gives me a purpose nothing here ever has" she says, and she's too content and tired to try and stop herself, or regret telling Serena this. Can't even stop herself from briefly entertaining the thought that Serena is the only thing that's ever come close to making her feel as alive.

They're pressed so close on Serena's sofa in the dark, ice cream cartons and wine glasses abandoned on the coffee table. They're both too tired to make it up to bed, too comfortable in each other's arms to move.

They both feel emotionally drained as their eyelids flutter shut, and Bernie feels the vibration of Serena's lips mumbling against her own.

"Hmm?" She asks.

"Thank you" Serena repeats, and the blonde's face breaks out into a kind smile.

"You're very welcome" is all she says as they drift off to sleep.

The first night they've spent together that hasn't ended in panting breaths and kiss-swollen lips. There's no coming back from that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pre-chapter notes weerrrr:
> 
> Bernie comes to pick Serena up from work. Serena like nah not today, f off. Bernie does the cute and gets her ice cream and wine and goes to make her feel better. EMOTIONS?! LOTS OF THEM?!


	7. January 15th, 2017

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long, I've been ridiculously busy!
> 
> More frequent updates from now on I promise!

**Sunday, January 15th, 2017:**

The next morning, they wake up with their limbs intertwined, muscles stiff but bodies content.

They don't speak about last night, both refuse to acknowledge how different it was from their usual nights spent together. They seem to silently decide that it's easier to treat it as though it were any other morning. It seems odd that a night full of emotion seems more intimate than their usual nights full of sex.

As Bernie takes her turn to shower, she starts thinking how frightened she is by her need to be with Serena, her total willingness to be there for her, even when she wasn't asked to be.

"I'll uh...I'll see you later?" Serena asks unsurely, once they're both ready to leave. "I'll be in better spirits, don't worry" she jokes.

"I'll pick you up from the hospital" Bernie replies. She smiles as she shoves a piece of toast in her mouth and rushes out of the door.

Bernie's day is uneventful, and as is becoming frequent, her mind strays too often to Serena. The thoughts are less directed by lust now, don't stray as often to the feeling of her hands between Bernie's legs. She find herself thinking more about the softness of her lips and the change in her breath as she drifts off to sleep, how infectious her more frequently occurring laugh is.

When she pulls her car into the car park to pick Serena up later that day, she checks her rearview mirror to see if she's approaching. She sees her, short tufts of hair blowing in the gusts of wind.

She's talking to someone. Or, more specifically, flirting with someone.

Bernie can recognise those moves a mile off, Serena used the same ones on her. A gentle squeeze of his arm here and an over enthusiastic laugh there.

Bernie sees Serena take this mysterious man's phone from him, typing something in. And, she's definitely not naive enough to think it's anything but her phone number. She feels a clenching in her stomach, a hot pit of jealousy she never knew she possessed until now.

Soon, Serena is sliding into the passenger seat of Bernie's car, smiling briefly as she fastens her seatbelt.

"Who was that?" Bernie feigns an air of not caring, but she's fooling nobody, least of all Serena.

"Oh, just a board member who was on the ward today" Serena replies, giving nothing away, as she moves the conversation on.

She can tell Bernie is acting strangely as they sit and finish off more ice cream on the sofa. She hasn't spoken much, and this isn't how Serena had expected the evening to go. Quite frankly, Bernie's spent the whole evening looking like a kicked puppy.

Serena decides she'll just approach the situation, she's been waiting for a moment to all evening.

"So, I got asked on a date today" Serena says, deciding to rip the plaster straight off. Wonders briefly why she's even running this past Bernie, they aren't together after all.

"By Mr. Board member, I presume" she says, trying to keep her cool about the situation.

"Well" she starts, "yes. We got talking today and he asked me if I wanted to go for a drink tomorrow night" she expands.

"And are you going to go?" Bernie replies, can't help taking a slightly passive aggressive approach.

"Would you mind if I did?" She asks, and Bernie inspects her eyes for some ulterior motive, wonders if it's a way to catch her out. But, she sees nothing other than sincerity.

"Mind? I won't be here. It's your life. Nothing to do with me. Feel free to chuck in a cliche of your own whenever you feel like it" she can't helped her clipped tone and stone cold features.

"Well...I mean, he seemed nice and I just thought there's nothing...stopping me" she tries desperately to justify herself. There's a silence, one that stretches on slightly too long for it to be comfortable.

"Can you not just wait until I leave?" Bernie blurts out, instantly regretting it.

"What?" She replies.

"Can you, uhh...could you not just wait until I'm gone, until you..." she tails off as she sees the expression on Serena's face change.

"You're kidding me right?" She raises her voice.

"Oh um..no, I mean" Bernie stutters out. She's well and truly put her foot in her mouth.

"You expect me to put an actual chance at a future with someone on hold for you?" She's shouting now, "when you're fucking off in a couple of weeks! You really expect me to put my life on hold for you...for this! How selfish can you be?" She's so close Bernie can feel her breath hot on her face. Ice cream has been forgotten about, Serena gets up begins to pace her living room.

"You know Bernie, some of us want more than whatever this is" she says, slightly calmer.

"Serena" she hedges. There's no reply and the silence draws on.

"Look, I'm sorry. Go, it's fine. I don't mind, I don't have any right to" and with that she's standing up too, hand gripping Serena's arm tight. Her growing temper defuses slightly at the contact.

"It doesn't seem like you don't mind" Serena smirks, teasing at this new side of Bernie she's discovering.

"I don't fucking mind ok?" She shouts, and Serena can't help but get slightly turned on by jealous Major Wolfe. "Like you said, I'll be gone soon" she continues.

There's a heat in Serena's eyes that Bernie recognises all too well. There it is, mingling with the anger and amusement on her face.

"Are you jealous, Bernie?" She patronises as Bernie walks her towards the wall until her back is pressed against it. Bernie gives her a dismissive laugh, pushes her up against the door, their faces mere inches apart.

"You think I'm jealous?" She rolls her eyes. "Of someone who'll never be able to satisfy you like I do" she says as she pins Serena against the wall with one hand, slipping the other roughly into her trousers.

She lets her mouth roam to Serena's neck, kissing, sucking, biting. Leaving a visible assault on her neck, marking her territory as she teases Serena's entrance with her fingers, making her moan.

"See how Mr. Nice guy likes that, shall we?" She mumbles into Serena's ear, referring to the purple marks now left on her skin. Bernie lifts her up and carries her towards the sofa, throwing her down on it.

Serena looks at her for a moment, panting, cheeks red and lips swollen. She shrugs herself out of her shirt and pulls her trousers off.

"You are jealous" she smirks, patronising Bernie, who crawls on top of her.

"Tell me he'll be able to fuck you like I do" she pants as she enters Serena with two fingers, moves them steadily, teasing ever so slightly.

"Oh, Bernie" she cries out.

She picks up the pace, starting to rub her thumb over Serena's clit. Her moans fill the thick air, as their anger is let out in bites and scratches.

Soon enough, Serena is coming, fingernails scratching under Bernie's shirt, cries echoing around the room.

They continue in the bedroom, clothes ripped off and anger taken out. They soon lay panting on the bed, in silence, an awkward heaviness in the air.

Bernie gets up, quickly finds her clothes to return them to her body. Serena leans up, wonders if she is doing what she suspects, building that wall between them back up. Leaving before she has to face her jealousy.

"Have fun on your date, Serena" she says spitefully, before making a quick exit.

Once Serena is left alone she lets out a shaking sigh. She's still angry, furious that she's so attached to Bernie, and so scared that she's leaving. But, she owes it to herself to not put her life on hold, to focus on the future, rather than falling in love with a woman who is so close to leaving her.

She owes it to herself to go on this date. But, she can't help thinking she's rather spend the evening with Bernie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pre chapter notes:
> 
> Serena pulls. V jealous Bernie. V angry sex.


	8. January 16th, 2017

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's Serena's date, and a bit of Hero Major Wolfe.

**Monday, January 16th, 2017:**

Serena stands in front of the gold framed mirror she gets ready in front of every day, and finds that she cares a lot less about how she looks than she should. She's about to go on a date and all she can think of is how Bernie pinned her down and showed no mercy as her fingers fucked her last night.

 _ **Focus Campbell, you're going on a date.** _ She keeps telling herself.

Once she's ready, a thin scarf wrapped around her neck, for no other reason than to hide the marks Bernie left on her. She puts a little makeup on and jumps into the taxi as it arrives on her doorstep.

She hasn't heard from Bernie all day, and decides begrudgingly that it's probably the right thing. But, as she draws closer to the bar her date chose, she can't help wishing she was on her way to Albie's to meet Bernie instead.

An hour into the date she excuses herself to the toilet, for nothing more than to escape him for a minute. He's edging closer to her by the second, whispering into her ear, his hands finding their way to her waist and thigh. He keeps offering to buy her more wine and has suggested twice already that they go back to his for a nightcap, it's obvious he has one thing on his mind. And, Serena feels stupid for losing out on a night with Bernie for this non-date with a total pervert.

Though, she can't help thinking that if Bernie was doing all these things, she'd fall into bed with her in an instant. But, he's not Bernie, and that seems to be all Serena can think about.

He's already used the phrase "for a woman of your age" too many times for Serena to feel anything but anger towards him. How he thinks that's going to get her into bed she has no idea.

She only half heartedly tried to stop herself from fishing her phone out of her bag and calling Bernie's number from the bathroom stall.

"Serena?" She answers, confused. She definitely hadn't been expecting a call tonight, bitterly thought that she'd be far too busy.

"I know you're just going to say 'I told you so,' but he's awful" she says and immediately hears Bernie chuckle on the other end, followed by a sigh of relief. There's a short pause after that.

"I told you so" Bernie says eventually, and they both laugh. "Need me to call you pretending there's an emergency at the hospital?" She only half jokes.

"I left my car at home, might look a bit suspect getting a taxi 5 minutes away" she smiles.

"I can come and pick you up, just walk around the corner" she offers. There's another pause as Serena considers whether she should, or whether she should persevere and try to prove Bernie wrong.

"I miss you" slips out of Bernie's mouth before she can stop herself, and any anger Serena was feeling disappears in an instant.

"Give me a call in 10 minutes, pick me up in 20" she responds quickly, and Bernie can hear the smile in her voice.

Serena returns to the booth her date is waiting in, she gives a half hearted smile and tries to fend off his wandering hands for a little longer.

Her phone rings, after what feels like a lifetime. She fakes a conversation about an emergency at Holby that needs her help immediately. She mentions where she is and says she'll come immediately, Bernie tells her she's just leaving before she hangs up the phone.

"I'm so sorry, there's been an emergency at the hospital. I've got to go" she says, faking an air of disappointment.

He follows her out, and that's when she realises he's going to try and walk her, and by the look on his face he wants something more. She stops and looks at him, slightly startled and at a loss for what to do. He takes this sudden turn as an opportunity, and something it certainly wasn't meant to be.

Out of nowhere he leans forward and presses his lips to hers. Stubble scratching against her face and hands drifting all too quickly to her bum, squeezing it crudely. She pulls away almost immediately and then she hears a car pull up beside them.

"Serena, you get called in too?" She hears Bernie call from her car, all she can do is nod in shock.

"Let me give you a lift, I'm going too" she lies, and can see Serena's tense shoulders relax almost immediately.

"That'd be great, thank you" she says, all too cheerily before turning to her date, giving him a vaguely apologetic smile and jumping into the passenger seat of Bernie's car.

They drive silently for a while, Serena's hand drifts to Bernie's leg at some point and she strokes it gently with her thumb as they drive. She can tell Bernie is tense, a ticking time bomb.

"You seemed to be enjoying it a lot more than you let on" she remarks, the jealousy of the day before still on her tongue.

Serena sighs and extricates her hand from Bernie's thigh.

"He kissed me" she explains. "Look, I can't be dealing with one of your temper tantrums because you've got a slightly wounded ego. I called you because I didn't want to be with him, I wanted to be with you" she says, a calmness to her voice Bernie didn't expect, she'd have expected her to bite back, twice as vicious.

Bernie can't think what to say, can't conjure up anything that won't either be too harsh or too sentimental. They drive in silence until they make it to Serena's house, and Bernie doesn't know if she should drive home or go in.

Serena just stared at her, as if waiting for her to move.

"Come in?" She asks, eventually.

They walk up the narrow path to the front door, dodging the plants that lean out along the way. A routine that is coming all too familiar for Bernie.

Once they're in the kitchen, Serena puts the kettle on and they settle on opposite sides of the table.

"I'm sorry" Bernie says, managing to swallow her pride for long enough to give Serena what she deserves to hear. "I shouldn't have acted so...well, jealous. I have no right" she smiles that guilty smile from under her fringe and it's all Serena can do to not melt into a puddle on the floor. There's a silence filled with smiles and loaded looks, full of care and kindness, and all the anger has completely dissipated.

"Bernie" she starts, "I know you're leaving, and I can deal with that, but you were right. While you're here, I don't want anyone else. When he was touching me all I could think was that I wished it was you" and now it's her turn to smile shyly as she gets up to pour out their cups of tea.

Bernie swallows the lump in her throat, blinks the tears away and makes her way over to wrap her arms around Serena from behind, pressing gentle kisses to her shoulder.

She almost immediately turns around, their lips meeting in a kiss full of so much love neither of them know how to stop it, or really want to.

They've never kissed like this before, it's been rushed and passionate, and so exciting. But, never anything like this, never anything more than lust.

"Well, I'm here now" Bernie says with a glint in her eye, lifting Serena up so her legs are wrapped around her waist, carrying her slowly up the stairs. The tea is forgotten about, to be found cold the next morning.

Soon, Serena is laid back on the bed, as Bernie slowly undresses her in the dim light. Kissing every new bit of uncovered skin, a lack of urgency they've never possessed until now. Eventually, kissing her way down between her thighs, not missing a single bit of skin with her lips.

Serena moans as she feels the first stroke of her tongue, becoming louder as Bernie's tongue gets faster.

It's long and caring, they're in no rush for it to be over. But, when it is, Serena comes with Bernie's name on her lips, as she brings her down from her high.

As they lay wrapped up in each other, Serena's sleeping head resting on Bernie's chest, her head swims with thoughts.

She's never felt this out of control, she's so used to the casual sex, and lack of feelings, she was so confident she'd never trip up. Between previous tours, women had asked her to stay, begged her not to leave, promised her the world. And, without a second thought she'd walked away, a genuine apology on her lips. But, she'd always been clear, she has to leave. Nothing had ever made her question that, until now.

Serena has never begged her to stay, hasn't confessed her undying love. Yet, Bernie can't help but think, if she did, it'd be her greatest mistake to let her go.

Serena has broken down more walls than Bernie even knew she had up. She knows this is a mistake on a huge scale, getting so close to somebody. She's leaving in a couple of weeks, yet she can't even begin to think about being without Serena.

She deserves more, more than Bernie not letting her in, falling stupidly in love with her and then leaving. She could never be what Serena deserves, because, god knows, nobody is good enough. But, she deserves more than what Bernie can give her, she decides. It'll be best for both of them when she leaves. Back to normality.

But, as she strokes the greying strands of hair from Serena's forehead she can't help but wonder what it'd feel like to give it all up for her.

Until now, Bernie had sniggered at the phrase "making love." Thought it was a ridiculous turn of phrase to romanticise fucking.

But, tonight she experienced it for the first time. She made love to Serena Campbell and for a moment it all made sense, like in some cheesy 2000 romcom. But, it did, and it's scared her beyond any Army tour or battlefield.

She's falling in love with Serena, how is she going to leave that behind?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you're all still enjoying it! Your comments keep me excited about writing when there's very little real-life Berena motivation, so thank you!
> 
> (Pre chapter notes: Serena's date is real handsy. Bernie saves the day. Make up sex, first time Bernie has made love.)


	9. January 18th, 2017

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, in conclusion, I SUCK AT UPDATING. I'm the worst, I know.
> 
> Here's a long chapter to make up for it a liiiittle bit.

The next night Bernie unusually spends away from Serena, though no less time is spent thinking of her. Her mind wanders to the night before, her panting breaths and swollen lips whispering things that would've made her blush hadn't she had Serena's fingers buried between her legs.

She's going to the pub with her colleagues, a not uncommon occurrence until recently.

She was ready to refuse the invitation when she received a text from Serena. She's had to stay late at the hospital, and so they decide they'd better get some rest, and both know a night spent together would most definitely not result in that.

"The wanderer returns" one of them, Jack, calls out as he shoves her shoulder gently.

The night is spent in stitches of laughter, immature jokes, arm wrestles. The usual night out with a bunch of confident, enthusiastic youths, with Bernie at the helm.

As the evening wears on, a woman walks in, and by all accounts a very attractive one. She's around Bernie's age and it's no surprise when her friends immediately badger her to go over.

In breaks between previous tours it wouldn't have taken a lot, if anything to get her over there. They threaten that if she doesn't, the next round is on her.

She bows her head and walks towards the bar to buy the round, because tomorrow night she'll be sleeping next to an absolute goddess. Nothing could compare to that.

"This Serena must really be something special to tame you" Jack says, a knowing smile on his face. Bernie just rolls her eyes.

"Who knew the Major was capable of love" another jokes and they all laugh, teasing her. She wants to say "I know, it's shocked me too."

She wishes she could enjoy this, but it's overruled by this sense of guilt and dread. She's leaving in a matter of days, and she'll never see Serena again. Starting a tour broken hearted certainly isn't what she had planned. She's always said that duty comes first, it always has and it always will, and she's too scared to change that.

But, as she lets her mind wander to what a future with Serena would be like, it makes her heart ache knowing she can't have it.

**Wednesday, January 18th, 2017:**

AAU is busy and understaffed, a horrible mix. Serena hasn't had the chance to grab a coffee, let alone fire off a text to let Bernie know when she'll be home.

As the end of her shift nears, her improving mood at soon being free is threatened by the dreaded ringing of the red phone.

She winces as she hears Raf call out "major RTC, 10 minutes away" followed by numbers of major and minor injuries, but Serena is too busy grabbing her phone to text Bernie to focus on the details.

_"Hectic day, and only about to get worse, I'm afraid. I'll let you know when I'm finally going home. Come over?"_

Bernie's reply comes almost immediately, not that she was waiting by her phone or anything.

_"Of course. I'm sure I'll be able to relieve some of that tension."_

Serena's face breaks into her first genuine smile of the day, cheeks colouring slightly at Bernie's suggestive words.

It's then that Bernie - Berenice 'has no idea about romance' Wolfe - decides what to do. She decides to go over to Serena's early, she knows well enough by now where she keeps the spare key. She'll get her a takeaway, run her a bath, spend all night relieving every bit of tension she has.

She heads over to Serena's, scrambles around under the second plant pot to the left of the door for the spare key, and lets herself in.

She's in the kitchen making herself a cup of tea when she starts thinking of how out of the ordinary this is for her. How she's never felt the need to be like this before, it's never even crossed her mind to do something remotely romantic before now.

This is a side of herself that she's never seen before. She saddens slightly at the fact it's taken her so long to realise it exists, thinks how different life could've been if she'd let herself feel it long ago.

She knows she's in far too deep, thinks Serena probably is too. Months and months apart is no way to start a relationship, she wouldn't do that to Serena. Wouldn't hold her back from finding happiness if it came her way, just for her own selfishness.

It's when she's putting the milk back in the fridge that she's brought out of her thoughts by a noise behind her.

"Put your hands above your head" she hears someone yell behind her, making her spin around immediately.

In front of her is a young man, face full of panic, an awfully unrealistic replica gun in his hand. It takes her a moment until she realises, face breaking out into a smile.

"Why are you laughing? I'm not afraid to shoot you" he says simply, eyes never leaving Bernie's form. She just smiles more, pausing slightly to regard him.

"You must be Jason?" She asks eventually, resulting in a dumbfounded expression on the young man's face.

"How do you know my name?" He asks, still on edge. Bernie's face softens and she gestures for Jason to lower the fake gun, which he does eventually.

"I'm a friend of your Auntie's. It looks like she failed to inform me you were back today, I'm sorry if I scared you" his shoulders relax a little at that.

"A little word of advice though, if somebody is breaking into your house, I wouldn't suggest taking matters into your own hands. It's a lot safer to just stay put and call the police. You don't want to put yourself in danger, and I don't think you're going to scare anyone off with the dramatics and fake gun, this isn't CSI" she laughs, Serena had said he watched a lot of American crime solving shows.

"How do you know it's fake?" He asks, defeated, but still on alert. Bernie lifts herself up to sit on the kitchen side, she can already see hints of Serena in his manner.

"Well, I'd like to think it's because I use a real one regularly. But, it's more likely due to the fact that that's a very shoddy replica" she explains.

"It's an exact replica of the one they used in the season 8 finale of CSI" he says, defensively.

"Yes, well like I said. This isn't CSI" she replies.

"Why do you use a real gun regularly?" He carries on with his questions, trying to find out as much as possible about this stranger he's found in his home.

"Because I'm in the Army" she replies, and something seems to click in him.

"Oh, you're Bernie. Auntie Serena's friend, Bernie" he concludes, proud of himself.

"Yes, that's me."

"She's right, you are bossy" he says.

"Your hair is much better than she described, though" he continues, making Bernie bark out a loud laugh.

"How did you know I wasn't your auntie?" She asks.

"Because you stomp when you walk, Auntie Serena never stomps" he explains.

"Maybe all that CSI is paying off after all" she laughs. "Your auntie has been held up at the hospital, so it looks like dinner is up to us tonight. What takeaway do you like?" She asks.

"I don't want takeaway, it's pasta bake night tonight" he replies, settling down on one of the chairs around the table. "We can make it together, as long as you don't get in my way. Auntie Serena taught me how to cook all our weekly meals for instances like today" he smiles at her, the first genuine smile she's seen from him. She can tell he's a lot more at ease now.

"Pasta bake it is, I'll be your sous chef" she offers, and they soon get to work.

 

* * *

 

Serena remembers on her way home that Jason was meant to be arriving home earlier today. She suddenly feels a sense of guilt that she's been so caught up with Bernie that she's forgotten.

She stays maybe slightly above the speed limit as she makes her way home, fumbling with her key to open the door.

"Jason, I'm so sorry. I completely forgot you were back today" she shouts up the stairs, but there's no reply. That's when she hears giggling coming from the kitchen, and voices. Jason, and someone else.

She walks through, opens the door to the kitchen and stands, shocked at the sight in front of her.

Jason is sat at the kitchen table opposite Bernie, playing scrabble, both with a concentrated look on their face.

"Hello?" Serena says from the doorway, breaking their concentration. Both look up at the same time, smiles plastered on their faces.

"Bernie came to see you, but you hadn't told her I was coming home" he explains.

"Yes, I'm afraid it slipped my mind" she replies, guiltily.

"We've cooked dinner" Bernie offers, smiling. "I thought you'd be tired so I came over early to get dinner and run you a bath. But, I got a bit of a surprise. I got held at toy gun point" she laughs and Jason joins in.

She's never seen him so comfortable with someone he's only just met.

Serena shifts on her feet, and busies herself with finishing dinner as Bernie and Jason carry on their game of scrabble.

"Bernie's much better than you, auntie Serena. She should join us for our weekly games" he suggests, to which both women just nod. Knowing full well why that can't happen.

Dinner is eaten, with Jason questioning Bernie about all sorts. The Army, her favourite tv shows, favourite magazines.

Eventually, after two episodes of Doctor Who, Jason takes himself up to bed, leaving the two women alone.

Bernie shuffles over on the sofa and puts her arm around Serena's shoulders.

"Hello you" she whispers as she places gentle kisses up her neck. Serena immediately stands up, mumbling something about needing to wash up before exiting the room.

She's been acting oddly all evening, now Bernie thinks about it.

"What's wrong?" Bernie asks as she wanders through to the kitchen.

"Hmm?" Serena replies as she scrubs at a plate in the sink.

"Since the moment you walked through the door you've been acting strangely, what's wrong?" Bernie asks.

Serena takes a deep breath, squeezing her eyes shut before turning off the tap and drying her hands. She turns around to face Bernie, hands resting on the edge of the counter top.

"You can't just come into my house and play happy families with my nephew when I'm not here, Bernie. It's not fair" she says sternly.

"I didn't realise he was in" she defends herself.

"Well you should've left when you did" Serena retorts, temper rising.

"I can just about deal with this" she continues, puffing out a shaky breath.

"With what?" Bernie asks.

"With this" she gestures from herself to Bernie, walking forward so she's a little closer to her.

"With falling in love with you knowing you're leaving" she pauses as her words settle in, for both of them. "I can deal with it, Bernie. Jason can't. You can't do that to him. He can't deal with all these changes in routine. You won't have to deal with months of him asking whether you're coming round again, I will. He's vulnerable" she immediately recoils as she realises how much she's let out.

She busies herself with cleaning the table as Bernie stands there, gob smacked. Serena just told her she's falling in love with her. She doesn't know whether to feel elated or petrified.

"I - uh, I'm sorry" she stutters out eventually. After a few more moments of awkward glances, Bernie retreats to the living room, curling up on the sofa.

She doesn't realise she's drifted off to sleep until she's awoken gently by Serena climbing onto the sofa next to her, letting her head rest on Bernie's shoulder.

"I don't know what I'm going to do without you" Serena whispers sleepily, as she drifts off in her arms.

Bernie strokes her hair as a tear falls down her own cheek, which she quickly catches with her other hand.

"Me either" she whispers, once she thinks Serena has fallen asleep.

Little does she know, Serena's own tears fall as she listens to Bernie's words in the darkness of the room.

They're both in deeper than they should've ever let themselves get.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pre chapter notes were:
> 
> Bernie scares Jason letting herself in. Serena comes home to them laughing, she freaks tf out over it. Admits she loves Bernie (duhhh).


	10. January 22nd, 2017

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to start by apologising for my absolute lack of inspiration, I truly am the worst. Things have just been a bit all over the place for me recently.
> 
> I know parts of this story are a little bit cringe romcom, wouldn't happen in real life, but I did warn you ;)
> 
> Hope people are still enjoying this? (Reassurances is oh so welcomed)

__The morning is awkward, they both skirt around each other as they get ready for work. Bernie leaves when Serena is in the shower, a lump in her throat. Something about it feels final.

Bernie spends the next two days throwing herself into training, seeing friends, anything but letting her mind give in to thoughts of Serena. Because, that's what she does best, buries her head in the sand until she's forgotten what she's hiding from.

Serena, however, spends them trying to hold it together at work, and at home, until she breaks down as soon as she gets through her bedroom door.

She's used to having control over everything, but for once in her life she doesn't. She hates herself for getting so close, for openly letting herself get hurt. Bernie will be gone in a few days, and there's nothing she can do to stop the inevitable heartbreak. She's not going to beg her to stay, because who wants to be with someone who doesn't willingly want to be with them. She has more pride than to ask somebody to love her, but she can't help but wonder what'd happen if she did.

**Sunday, January 22nd, 2017:**

Tomorrow, early in the morning, she heads off to Bruges, a town in Belgium, with Elinor for a few days. She decides that it's just what she needs to pull herself together. To have a few days to stop thinking about Bernie, claw her way out of the Bernie shaped hole she's so deep into.

She spends the day packing her suitcase, starts getting excited to have a couple of days to think rationally. This is just what she needs.

It's midday when she's interrupted by her phone ringing.

"Hi mum, how are you?" Elinor's voice sounds den the line, sounding all too cheery for Serena's liking.

"Fine darling, rather looking forward to tomorrow" she admits.

"Oh" Ellie coughs uncomfortably, "about that, mum" she sighs. "It's just that there's this festival all my friends are going to, I bought a ticket and forgot it clashes with the holiday. I really don't want to miss it" she holds her breath, waiting for Serena's response.

"You don't want to go on holiday?" Serena asks in disbelief.

"I'm sorry, I did pay for it though, you still have a free holiday" she reminds her.

"Yes, it was a birthday present as I recall Elinor. A holiday...together" she sighs, slumping down on the sofa. This is typical of Elinor Campbell.

"Well, why don't you take your girlfriend?" She suggests, cheekily.

"She's not my girlfriend, and I wanted to go with you."

"I'm really sorry mum. Just take her, it'll be romantic. I've got to go, we're leaving soon, love you" she babbles, before hanging up the phone.

Serena throws her phone onto her bed in frustration. She was relying on this holiday to set her head straight, to give her some time to stop think about Bernie. Now, she's all she can think about again.

She cooks Jason dinner and eats with him silently. She knows he can sense the tense atmosphere, but she's forgotten how to act normally with him, she's forgotten what normal feels like.

"Are you looking forward to your holiday?" He asks as he eagerly shovels pasta into his mouth.

"We're not going anymore" she replies, trying not to let on her disappointment.

"That's a waste of money, you can't cancel the holiday now, it's too late" he points out.

"Yes I know that, Jason" she says, bluntly.

"Why don't you take Bernie? You seem to enjoy yourself when you're with her."

"I don't want to take Bernie" she replies.

"Why not? You get along with her" he says.

"I just don't, Jason" she snaps, regretting it as soon as she sees the confused look on his face.

"Have I said something to upset you auntie Serena?"

"Of course not, I'm sorry" she sighs and they finish the rest of their meal in silence, the guilt of snapping at him consuming her.

She cannot get away from Berenice bloody Wolfe.

An hour later Serena decides to take herself on a walk, she feels angry and trapped in the house, as though the walls are closing in on her. Trying her best not to take it out on Jason isn't working, either.

As she walks, she huffs at her holiday to get over Bernie suddenly being ruined. Instead, she's being persuaded from all angles to take the very woman with her. She doesn't want that, does she? She knows it wouldn't be wise.

She walks for a long time, her brain on autopilot.

She doesn't quite realise where her legs have taken her until she's stood in front of Bernie's front door. As she stands dead still, she realises her body seems to know what she needs better than her mind does.

She's left standing at the door, not able to knock. She hasn't spoken to Bernie in a few days, since the night she admitted she's falling in love with her. How can she expect Bernie to just answer the door and throw herself at her, when she's got no reason to.

Serena knows if she cries that Bernie will hold her and if she kisses her that she'd kiss her back. Because, that's what she does. She cares for Serena in a more selfless way than she thought was possible. Makes her happier than anyone ever has.

Her rambling thoughts are cut short when she's faced with Bernie, the door that was between them having been pulled to the side.

Bernie had seen her outside through the window, waited a while to see if she'd knock, but her curiosity got the better of her.

When she's faced with Serena she's met by confusion, surprise. She opens her mouth a couple of times but nothing seems to come out.

"Serena, _you_ came to _my_ door" she points out, a smug grin on her face. And, it's at that moment that Serena realises why her legs took her there, because what she needs right now to make her feel better is Bernie. What she always needs is Bernie.

Almost as soon as she realises it she pounces on her, slams her against the door to shut it behind them once they're inside.

"Wha-" Bernie questions but her mouth is crashing against Serena's once more before she can finish.

They shed their clothes once they're in Bernie's bedroom, and stop for a moment, taking in each other's naked bodies. Soon enough, Bernie neck is being covered in passionate, wet kisses. She feels herself being pushed down onto the bed with a thud.

Bernie is normally in charge, that's how it's been between them. She doesn't know what's gotten into Serena but she's angry, she's hot and rough and soon Bernie is losing herself to the feeling of her tongue between her legs.

Soft, teasing strokes that turn into deep, hard thrusts inside her. Her knuckles are white as they grab the sheets at her sides, and Serena's are the same as she grips onto Bernie's thighs.

Bernie's moans turn to begging, she needs Serena harder, faster, more. Until there's nothing more she needs. Her head is thrown back onto the pillow as she finally lets go, Serena riding her through every wave of pleasure.

She opens her eyes with a grin, and sees the same look mirrored on Serena's face as she crawls her way back up her body.

"It's good to see you" she admits, flipping Serena into her back.

"And feel you" she runs her hands over her curves, "and taste you" she says as she dips her head into the curve of Serena's neck. Kissing and sucking her way down her body slowly.

Later, they're both panting, side by side, hands clasped between them.

Serena looks at Bernie and smiles, they stay like that for a while, just smiling at one another. Soon Bernie starts to giggle, which turns into that honking laugh she's so well known for.

"I-I'm sorry" she says eventually. "That was just, uh, a little unexpected" she admits and then they're both laughing.

"You didn't seem to be complaining" Serena quips.

Silence fills the air for a little longer and they're left staring at one another, and Serena is entranced by her. Her flushed pink cheeks and lopsided smile, the rise and fall of her breasts as she gets her breath back.

They take each other in, fearless eyes revelling in each other's bodies, until their eyes meet again and they're more timid. Their eyes lock for what feels like an eternity, and Serena is so overwhelmed by the love she sees reflected there that she has to stop it. She has to protect herself.

"I've probably got to get back, Jason will be wondering where I am. I told him I was going for a walk" she explains, Bernie's face flashes with a little hurt, only for a moment. She's become so good at hiding her emotions.

"Serena" their eyes meet, before Bernie's drop to their joined hands. "Are you ok?" She asks, and they both know what she's trying to say. Why have you disappeared for days and then suddenly turned up on my doorstep and jumped into my bed?

Serena opens her mouth a couple of times, contemplating whether to open up or just brush it off.

"We, uh, Elinor and I were meant to be going on holiday tomorrow" their eyes meet again and Bernie smiles, encouraging her to carry on. "She cancelled on me. I knew that...being with you would make me feel better" she feels embarrassed all of a sudden at her confession.

"Well, you only had to ask" Bernie jokes, trying her best to dissipate the thick air between them.

She offers to drop Serena home but she says she'd rather walk. With every step she makes down the stairs and along the corridor, she feels her slipping away. It's like they've switched places, like Serena never admitted she's falling in love with her. Yet, Bernie's pining after her like a lovesick teenager.

Once Serena gets home, she curls up in her bed, sighs loudly. Because, she doesn't feel better. Because, if she were still with Bernie, had her head curled into the crook of her neck, she knows she would. She realises that the physical intimacy just isn't enough anymore, she wants all of her. She wants her shy smiles, her stupid jokes, her hand stroking the hair at the nape of Serena's neck.

She cries. Because, she hates that she's in her own bed, and Bernie is miles away in hers, but that's the only way she knows how to protect herself. Because, soon Bernie will be thousands of miles away, in a bunker, or on the side of the road, blown to bits. She cries because she'd be the last person to find out if that was the case. She cries because she loves Bernie, and she can't deal with the thought of losing her forever.

Once her breaths even out, her thoughts dissolve into dreams as her tired limbs give way to sleep.

As she wakes, eyes still puffy and hair spiked up in different directions, she registers some noise. Jason should be at work, and he'd mention if he wasn't going in. As she comes to her senses more she realises that the noises are closer than she'd thought. They sound like they could even be in the same room.

"Bernie?!" She squeals as Bernie stumbles clumsily into an open suitcase. "What on earth are you doing?"

"I, uh" she stumbles on her words, "hear me out" she says as she returns to her feet, a pink tinge to her cheeks.

"Well..." is all Serena says, an eyebrow arched towards the ceiling.

"You left your coat at mine yesterday" she's shuffling from foot to foot, starting to think that maybe her delightful idea isn't such a good one, after all.

"You'd left your plane tickets in them and I thought, well, why waste a holiday" she explains, and if there wasn't such an innocent, excited look on her face, Serena would've lost her rag. However, Bernie can still tell her punchline hasn't quite hit home like she'd hoped.

"I know this is all a mess" she starts, flapping her hand between them to indicate what she's referring to.

"Yes, not exactly Mills & Boon, is it?" Serena interrupts, dryly.

"But, if it makes anything better, I'm starting to wish, for the first time ever, that I didn't have to leave" she smiles sadly. "But, I do. I have less than two weeks left here, Serena, and I want to spend them with you. This has already gone too far, and I don't think there's any saving that now. But, why should we say no to a few days away? Spend some proper time together before I go" she sits on the edge of the bed, nervously reading the changing expression on Serena's face.

"You want us to go on holiday together?" She asks in disbelief.

"Well, we can't let it go to waste, can we?" Bernie responds, a hint of a smirk on her lips. Serena sighs, light heartedly and rolls her eyes.

"I guess not."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pre chapter notes:
> 
> Elinor cancels holiday, butpersuades serena to take Bernie.
> 
> (Sometimes what I write turns out to be completely different from the notes haha)
> 
> Thank you all again for your patience!


	11. January 23rd, 2017

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tropes, cause who doesn't love em!

**Monday, January 23rd, 2017:**

Bernie changes the name on Elinor's plane ticket to hers while Serena unpacks and then repacks the suitcase Bernie had started for her. All the while, silently chastising herself for giving in so easily to Bernie's charms.

In the taxi on the way to the airport, Serena calls the hotel to change the booking from two single rooms to one double.

"I'm afraid the only double left that we're able to change your booking to is the honeymoon suite" the perfect English on the other end of the line sounds.

"Oh" Serena laughs awkwardly, trying not to draw Bernie's attention to the conversation.

"If you'd rather cancel your booking then I can sort that out for you."

"No, uh, that's fine. We'll have the room" she says, hoping Bernie is too distracted talking to the cab driver to pay attention.

With all the technicalities sorted out, they make their flight in plenty of time, solely down to Serena's organisational skills. And, her adamance that no, they didn't have time for this, as Bernie kissed teasingly down her neck.

Something has changed though, a sudden acceptance that whatever it is between them is stronger than their will to protect themselves. That it's going to hurt when Bernie has to go, regardless of how much time they spend together from now on. They no longer deny themselves the romance, there's an acceptance that this is more than just sex, and who are they to deny themselves that?

They cannot be with each other, but it seems when they're this close, they cannot be without each other either.

Their hands link as they walk, and Bernie carries Serena's bag, ever the gentleman.

When Bernie gets anxious on the plane, because it reminds her of going off on tour, a strange mix of nerves and adrenaline. Serena kisses her, and encourages Bernie to tell her stories of her tours, to try and calm her nerves.

Serena had had everything organised for the trip anyway, so a car picks them up from the airport, driving a few miles through town, before arriving at their hotel. Once they're inside, Serena goes to the toilet and leaves Bernie to check in.

"Welcome madame, your name please?" She asks.

"It should be under Serena, I think. Serena Campbell" she smiles uncomfortably. As the woman opens up their booking a grin finds its way onto her face, she hands over the keys.

"And you must be Mrs Campbell, congratulations!" She beams. "The honeymoon suite is all ready for you."

"Oh - uh" Bernie's face flushes red as she loses her words somewhere in the humid air. The lady opposite her gives a questioning look, and as Bernie sees Serena walk over she can't help but play along.

"It's uh, it's Mrs Wolfe actually, we both are" she says, and Serena's face is a picture of confusion as she joins Bernie at the desk.

"You took my name, didn't you darling?" She turns to her, planting a kiss on her cheek, a mischievous twinkle in her eye. The woman at the desk smiles, looking between the two of them. Before Serena can respond, Bernie has taken her hand and is following a man towards the lift as he leads them to their room.

Once they arrive, he guides them in and then turns to leave.

"I hope you enjoy your honeymoon, Mrs and Mrs Wolfe" he grins, obviously picking up on the previous conversation, before closing the door behind himself.

Serena is standing in the middle of the room, a perplexed and somewhat embarrassed expression on her face.

"So, the honeymoon suite?" Bernie teases, as she takes in the room.

"It was the only double left!" Serena scrambles to explain herself, but all she gets in return is a grin, and two strong hands on her waist.

"Well" Bernie starts, gently kissing Serena's waiting lips. "No expense seems to have been spared" she points towards the bottle of champagne, before gently pushing Serena down onto the bed, covered in red rose petals. "We may as well take full advantage" and now her smirk is mirrored by Serena as she kisses slowly down her exposed neck.

"It'd be rude not to, Mrs Wolfe" is the last thing Serena says before words turn into moans, as Bernie's delicate fingers rid her of her clothes.

Once they've showered and changed, they're soon wandering the quiet, cobbled streets of Bruges, the humid air like a blanket around them. Bernie insists on taking charge of where they go for dinner, having spent an hour looking through the Bruges tour book she hurriedly bought at the airport.

"This one is a little further to walk, but it looks amazing" she says, pointing to a description on the page in front of her.

She pulls on Serena's arm excitedly, directing them through the narrow paths, every shop they pass seeming to be selling chocolate or beer.

A few wrong turns and directions that end up sending them in circles later, Serena has lost all enthusiasm for Bernie taking charge. At first she'd been excited, so used to holidays with Ellie where she'd had to organise everything. Now, she's fed up, tired and desperate for something to eat and a lovely glass of Shiraz.

"I'm sure it's down here, Serena" she says, trying her best to keep their spirits up. She reaches for her hand and guides them away from the main square again, along another cobbled road, seemingly leading nowhere.

"Here, this is the road!" She squeals, and Serena lets out a sigh of relief. They walk up a little further until they get to their destination, both looking up, then back down at the guide book.

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me!" Serena huffs. Bernie opens her mouth and closes it again a few times, not sure how to defend herself, supposing she should've probably looked the restaurant up before she led them all the way there. Well, what was once a restaurant, and now seems to have been sold and turned into a bank.

Serena snatches the book off Bernie and checks the date before storming over to a bin and tossing it in there.

"It was written in 2012, Bernie. The bloody restaurant's probably been gone for years" she rolls her eyes and heads off back to Burg Square, where they came from. Bernie jogs after her, slowing by her side and flashing an apologetic smile.

"I _am_ sorry, Serena" she dares to say once Serena has walked them to a cosy, family run restaurant not far from the centre, and they're sat with glasses of Shiraz in their hands. To Bernie's surprise she just smirks, a laugh escaping her mouth.

"Oh, it's ok" her tone is soft and she reaches gently for Bernie's hand over the table. "I'm sorry for getting angry."

Bernie smirks, "I quite like it when you get all bossy" she admits.

"Well, just because you like it, doesn't mean you deserve it" she says, and Bernie just flops her head to one side, a small smile on her lips.

As they walk back to their hotel, fingers intertwined and swinging gently between them, Serena is hit by how much has changed. She used to think Bernie was distant, ridiculously attractive but devoid of any emotion. Now, she seems to be a different being altogether. She's all shy smiles and romantic gestures. Biting and hard thrusts have melted into gentle licks and agile hands smoothing over her curves.

Serena can no longer kid herself with ideas that Bernie isn't somebody she wants to spend her life with. Because, oh god, she's turned into everything she could ever want.

As they settle into bed, both too tired for anything other than lazy kissing and gentle laughter, Bernie draws patterns onto Serena's side with her fingertips until she falls asleep. As she hears her breaths steady she can't help but hope that there's some way that she can have what she so wants. A way that she can have Serena. There has to be a way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pre chapter notes:
> 
> Honeymoon suite kerfuffle. Bernie teases. Bernie's guide book leads them to nowhere. ALL THE FEELINGS.
> 
> (Ok, so this time I expanded on my initial notes before writing, but nobody wants to read long n boring stuff haha).


	12. January 24th, 2017

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Their second day in Bruges commences.
> 
> I loved writing this chapter, and I think it flows kinda nicely? Idk. I hope so.
> 
> Thank you for always leaving such lovely comments. It makes this girl very happy.

**Tuesday, January 24th, 2017:**

Serena wakes up to an empty bed, newly so judging by how warm the space beside her still is. She cranes her neck to look out onto the balcony. Just as she'd expected, Bernie is out there having her morning coffee and cigarette.

She watches her for a while, as Bernie inhales deeply, puffing out clouds of smoke into the still air that surrounds her. There's a tension in her, and Serena thinks it must be for the same reason as her own. That all this happiness has an expiry date. That at the end of this, they're going to have to say goodbye.

She decides to push it to the back of her mind, embrace this weightless happiness she's becoming so accustomed to. Bernie is so different to anyone she's ever met, she's exciting and reckless and Serena can't get enough.

"You know, considering you're in the army, you should probably give up that horrible habit" she shouts out to her, eyes drifting to the cigarette in her hand. Bernie jumps, but her face softens as she spins around to see Serena laying, draped in the sheets, the sun lighting up her golden skin. She stubs out her cigarette and saunters inside, picking up a stray cushion from the floor and throwing it in Serena's direction. She crawls onto the bed, straddling Serena over the fresh covers.

"I happen to quite enjoy it" she whispers, looking down at the grin plastered on Serena's face, before kissing the smile right off. Her lips slowly straying down her neck, worshiping her collarbones.

"Fancy a shower?" Bernie whispers into the skin at the crook of her neck, and it's safe to say it's a couple of hours until they head downstairs for breakfast.

As they walk through the streets, their hands seem to instinctively find each other, smiles mirrored on each of their faces.

"I thought I should take care of today's activities" Serena suggests, and Bernie just nods shyly, smirking. "Fancy a boat tour to start us off?" She asks.

"Sounds good" Bernie nods eagerly. Deciding that letting Serena lead the way is probably a wise idea after yesterday.

They wait in a short queue, moving quicker than any in England ever have. Soon, they're bundled into a small boat, shoulder to shoulder with other tourists, their hands still clasped gently together.

The boat makes its way through the calm waters, under such low bridges everybody has to duck as not to be decapitated. Their guide tells of the history of the city, pointing towards various buildings and landmarks as they go. Bernie and Serena listen, and laugh, and chat, taking photos every now and then. Serena sits back and takes a photo of Bernie against the picturesque riverside buildings. Can't help but think how devastatingly attractive she looks in her vest top and shorts, her glowing skin and messy blonde curls. Thinks how in weeks to come she'll torture herself with that photo, at how she'll no longer be able to reach out and tuck a stray hair behind Bernie's ear.

Once the tour is over, they find a restaurant to have an oddly timed bite to eat, the between lunch and dinner version of brunch. They decide as they feed one another Calamari, to visit the De Halve Maan Brewery that they'd passed on their boat tour.

As they enter, hand in hand, as has become more frequent than not, Bernie turns to Serena, a mischievous glint in her eye.

"I bet I can drink you under the table, Campbell" she challenges, to which Serena's eyes just narrow, one eyebrow raising in disbelief.

"Oh it's on, Wolfe" she replies just as confidently, and they head in.

Little did they know, until a couple of hours later as they stumble over the cobbles, how much of a reality that would be.

Serena clings to Bernie as they giggle like teenagers who've just discovered their parents liquor cabinet. They pass a square with a loud live jazz band playing, locals dancing in the street.

Before she knows it, Serena is being twirled around, and caught when she nearly trips over. Bernie's strong arms wrap around her and they kiss, their lips moulding together, so naturally by now. Bernie holds her and they dance, swaying and laughing and lost in their own little bubble, the music the only bit of reality piercing through.

They pull apart when the sound of Bernie's phone ringing sounds between them. Bernie smiles apologetically as she stumbles down a small corner street to escape the noise, leaving Serena to enjoy the music. She answers without checking the caller ID and slurs a greeting down the phone.

"Hello stranger" Alex's voice sounds on the other end. "Someone's sounding a little worse for wear" she laughs.

"Alex! How are you feeling?" She asks, realising she'd all but neglected their friendship recently, bar a few texts here and there. She is briefly distracted from listening to her answer as she sees Serena sauntering her way, a glint in her eye that Bernie recognises all too well.

"Sorry, what was that?" She asks, realising she'd missed the majority of what Alex was saying.

"I'm feeling better Bern, I'll be able to go back, just a few weeks late. And, I'll need a medical to check I'm fully recovered" she says, but starts to realise Bernie's attention isn't fully there.

"Bernie?!" She raises her voice slightly.

"Uh...uhm...oh" Bernie stutters out as Serena attaches her lips to her neck, grazing them gently along the line of her neck. "Serena" she warns in a whisper, fixing her with a glare that makes her wink and walk back to the music.

"Oh" Alex's realisation finally hits. "Serena! As in sexy surgeon Serena" she teases, and Bernie's intoxication is making her more open than she'd usually be.

"We're uh...we're in Belgium" she admits, "sorry about the noise" referring to the mingling of jazz instruments coming from the square.

"You're...where?!" She gasps. "Are you ok? Bernie 'has never loved anyone in her life' Wolfe, is that you?" She teases sarcastically.

"Oh, shut up" she rolls her eyes.

"You don't have a leg to stand on. How could you forget to tell your best friend you're practically married?" She feigns offence, and they both dissolve into laughter, before Bernie's tone turns serious again.

"We're not. I mean, it's ending when I go back" she tries to act nonchalant, but even she can hear the emotion in her own words.

"Are you crazy?" Alex scolds her.

"It wouldn't work" she answers back immediately, convincing nobody but herself.

"Why not? Why do you always refuse to let yourself be happy" she knows exactly how to break Bernie's barriers.

She's silent, doesn't have an appropriate response, just chews at her bottom lip, anxiously taking in her friend's words.

"Does she make you happy?" Alex continues, finally.

"Happier than I've ever been" slips out of Bernie's mouth before she has time to stop herself, and now the words are out she can't cram them back in.

"Then what are you doing? Tell her that you love her."

"How do you know I..." Bernie starts, but she's interrupted.

"I can hear it in the way you talk. Honestly, I never thought I'd see the day. Bernie Wolfe, in love. Miracles do happen" Alex attempts to lighten the mood. "I'll let you get on, tell her ok."

"I'll try, bye Al" and then she hangs up the phone, returning to Serena, carrying the weight of Alex's words with her.

She's greeted by an excited grin and a kiss to her cheek. She thinks, this is what she wants forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't actually have any pre-chapter notes for this one. It's a kind of filler before the next chapter, which I'm super excited for!
> 
> I just thought I'd add in lots of things I did when I was in Bruges, hope you lot like it!


End file.
